Planned Spontaneity

check it out

2010-11-19T23:02:00.001-08:00

www.kristinearoundtheworld.wordpress.com

New Things

2010-10-01T12:55:00.000-07:00

OMG. So much has happened since I last blogged.

First, and most importantly:
I am no longer a vegan. And I am no longer hungry every 5 minutes. My recent reunion with cheese was glorious to say the least. I indulged in a simple breakfast of birdman toast, a farm fresh egg (thanks to my lovely farm friends) and freshly grated parm for the 1st meal back. It was like heaven in my mouth. But then again, after eating a month of peanut butter toast and soy sausage patties, anything is going to taste like heaven in my mouth.

I was eating a lot of blueberry, acai, spinach protein smoothies. Which is probably the only that I will continue to eat on a regular basis (acai, blueberries, spinach, coconut ice cream (vegan!), soy yogurt, soy milk and soy protein- try it, its delicious. Yes, I know there are way to many soy products in this and yes, there is a slight chance that you might turn into a women if you're a male, but thats a risk you're going to have to be willing to take....for a smoothie...).
Tomatoes were coming into their peak season, so I was slicing those up with some olive oil and basil and eating it on some french baguette. And while this is delicious and fresh, I couldn't help but think how much better it would be with a slice of Manchego...
So, thats basically what I ate for a month. Smoothies, peanut butter toast and tomatoes. Oh and spinach salads. Can't forget those....

I'm just so glad it's over.

And in term of enlightenment? Sadly, there was no "ah-ha!" moment I was hoping for, no light bulb glowing over my head, and no revelatory dreams. But I will say that I have gained some clarity within my life. A sense of ease, you could say. My daily life finally has some purpose (climate change/ public outreach coordinator for the MT Audubon. If this job isn't purposeful, I dont know what is....). And from that purpose, I have found comfort in knowing that I am contributing to society in a very positive way. Obviously, the clarity gained was not a direct outcome of being vegan. It just happened to coincide with the challenge. Or did it?....

Also, my Mom is still a smoker.

Next piece of news:
I bought another bike. A cross bike. And I raced it. In a cross race. And I loved it! Well... during the race, I hated it. But when it was over, I had a ball. I'm going to doing it again tonight.
I cannot express to you the fear that is now welling up inside my chest at the though of it. I am scared of the pain that I will be enduring this evening, the anxiety that I will experience all day long at the prospect of eating crap on one of the barriers and knowing that I will grin and bear all of it only place last. But all of that doesn't matter after I cross the finish line. Because, that's when I realize (forgetting the pain and suffering completely) that I, in fact, had a good time. I imagine this feeling to be similar to child birth...

Next news piece:
I am planning an event for 350.org. It's quite the task. If there is one thing I have learned from it is this: Don't relay on college students to perform important tasks. Or any tasks for that matter. Yes, I realize that I was JUST a college student, but since I have received a diploma I feel that this gives me certain rights to smash on people who are still in school.... They are terrible at following through! They say they're "really pumped up" (direct quote) about helping out, but then don't pull through when they're needed. Come on you guys! Get it together! I know you have time and I know that you care, so please go hang up posters around town because I don't want to!

So this Event: Its on 10/10/10 and its called the Global Work Party and you are going to be there. There are events all around Missoula to better our community, raise awareness about climate change, and show our leaders what we are concerned. Our message is this: "We're working the ground in Missoula to plants seeds here, our state capital and D.C." I helped come up with that slogan. Yeah, I know its pretty good. Check it out!

Also: I finally made apple butter. It's something that I've been wanting to do forever and ever. And since I have farm friends, I got to pick my own apples! It was/is delicious and SO easy to make! See below for instructions!

Apple butter:

5 lbs of apples cored, pealed and chopped

2 cups of sugar (I used 1.5 cups of agave nectar, but its super pricey and sugar will work just the same)

Cinnamon, a bit of allspice and some freshly grated nutmeg.

Put all of this in a crock pot. turn it on high, cover it, and leave it for 1 hour. Then turn it down to low and leave it for 9-12 hours. Then take the lid of and continue cooking for 1 more hour (or more. This step thickens it).

I left mine over night, and when I checked it in the morning it appeared to have burned on the bottom and the apples chunks held they shape. But then I stirred it and it turned into this creamy, dark brown, beautiful goo that tastes like autumn heaven. Try it!

The In Between or T(X+Y)=Z or Terrible Analogies.

2010-09-19T22:15:00.000-07:00

Its like the top of the parabola: When you toss up an apple and it hovers in mid air, waiting for gravity to act upon it.

It's when summer is over, but fall hasn't began yet. When the leaves are on the trees and there are still peaches at the market, but the brisk mornings and rainy afternoons have got you wondering when you'll see the first frost.

Its when you wade in Rattlesnake Creek on a warm afternoon. You walk in confidently and your feet don't register the water's icy temperature until you're too far across to make it out quickly. And by the time you get back to shore, your enjoying the feel of the cold water flowing against your ankles.

It's the few seconds silence between songs on your play list. Waiting patiently, to hear what comes next so you can decide if its worth listening to or not.

Waiting, patiently... or maybe anxiously, to know what your next step is. To know whether to give it time and love or to let it go and explore the other destinations. Unfortunately, life isn't like my "On-the-go 4" playlist and the time in between songs does not equate to The In Between in life.
I don't know if the time between summer and fall is going to be 4 seconds or 2 weeks. I don't know how far I will walk across the creek before my feet start to feel cold. I'm sure I can mathematically figure how long the apple hovers in mid air... but thats not where I'm going with this.

The problem with all of these analogies is this: We know the final result. We know the apple WILL come down, We know there WILL be a fall, my feet WILL be cold and a song WILL come on. Sticking with the mathematical theme here, The In Between in life doesn't give you an out come; it just gives you the variables and you have to wait for the equals sign. Like this: T(X+Y)=Z Where T= time, X= me Y= whatever event I'm experiencing and Z= Yes or No. Pursue it or Not.

I don't know if I've every told you this but I hate waiting for something to happen. I feel like I'm wasting time. I focus far too hard on the end result to be able to enjoy the time it takes to get there. My dad always says (I can hear him now) "its not about the destination, its about the journey." Yeah, I know Dad. I know.

I Just don't know how to enjoy the ride until I know where we're going. Is that bad?

This is what it's like...

2010-09-03T06:32:00.000-07:00

I wake up in the morning. Usually around 8. The small amount of energy needed to walk up the stairs instantly depletes all forms of reserved energy, my tummy growls and I am instantly hit with hunger. I make coffee, toast a piece of Bird Man bread and spread as much almond butter that I can get on there. Eat it in 2 seconds.

The next 2-4 hours consist of me studying for the LSATs (yes, I think I might apply to law school...more on that later) and trying to decided what I should eat next. I usually am drinking a double americano w/ steamed soy at Hunter Bay (my new fav. spot) and eating all of the snacks I've packing in my bag which include: A peach, tamari almonds and dried pineapple. I eat a half veggie sandwich, go home, get on my bike and go on a ride. And because veggies and bread can only sustain you for so long, I eat about half a litter of hammer gel. Well, maybe not that much, but a lot more than I used to take... Get home, make and eat a acai protein smoothie and 20 minutes later 2 pieces of almond butter toast. At this point I'm so tired I can't let my self sit down or I will surely pass out. About an hour after the toast, I make a massive bowl of spinach salad with quinoa, tofu, garbanzo beans, and brewer's yeast dressing (if you haven't tried it you should). Then I spend the rest of the evening being wonderfully distracted and thoughts of cheese and eggs are flung far out of my mind and replaced by better things. Its blissful.

How much food is that? It must be like at least 5 pounds. Maybe more. Regardless, the point is this: This sucks.

I miss creamy goat cheese and figs. Salami and cheddar. Blue cheese and pears. Mmm. I miss milk in my coffee, milk in my cereal, cream cheese on my bagels.

I really think that this is comparable to quitting smoking. Seriously. In fact, I think it must be harder. Speaking of which, my mom couldn't make it past the 24 hours. She's smoked at least one a day since she "started" her challenge. Why she even has them in the house is a mystery to me. No, actually, I do know why she has them. Because they control her.

Ok, ok, I have a confession to make. I wasn't going to tell you, but I feel guilty. I ate cheese this weekend. I ate more french cheese that I've ever eaten before. It was so good, so creamy, so indulgently satisfying. But apparently my body didn't think so. I got so so so sick about 2 hours later.... So, I've learned my lesson. No cheating, the consequences are too terrible.

In regards to the job front: I'm employed! Kind of. I've got an internship with the Montana Audubon. AND, tomorrow I have a meeting with a law firm for another possible internship/ job. Things seem to be falling into place here in Missoula. And actually, even with all this baggage I'm carrying around (i.e. living with my parents, braces and jaw surgery looming on the horizon and a slight lack of community) I think I might be the happiest I've been in a very very long time. I can see, in the distance, a bright and beautiful future. I think....

Seriously?

2010-09-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

Read this and laugh.

I am so hungry.

2010-08-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

As of 5 days ago, I am a vegan.

My mother, to many people's surprise, is a closet smoker and has been for the past 30 years. And now, I think she finally has recognized that, eventually, it will hurt her in a big way. So for the month of September, she is going to try to smoke ZERO cigarettes! This is SUCH a huge step for her and I am seriously looking forward to being apart of the struggle that she will endure! Yes, I recognize that cutting out animal and animal byproducts from my diet does not even compare to quitting an addiction. But if its any resolution, I think I am as close to addicted to cheese as mentally possible.

So. The stakes have increased: Not only am I doing this challenge for myself, but to support my mother in a huge battle! AND on top of that, Best Friend is helping me along the way and eating vegan for a month as well. AND we decided to start a week early. Why? I don't know. But I do know this: I could really go for a thick slice of cheddar right now.

So far, I have yet to reach any sort of state of clarity. I suppose I need to give it a bit more time.

I've spent the majority of the past 5 days eating because no matter how much quinoa and tempeh I swallow, I never get full. On the other hand, I do feel light and really, really healthy. I have to read labels on everything, which is a good habit to have, I guess... Although, I feel like a jerk when I have to ask what's in everything I order or when I have to say "will you make sure there isn't any meat or dairy in that sandwich?" Ugh. I don't want to be that person. But I am! ...shoot.

I've been really tired lately. I wonder if thats from my diet or from something else? I have been spending a lot time front porch sitting into the late nights which usually leaves me laying awake in my bed with a heart that beats twice as fast as normal and a spinning head. Not to mention a tummy that wants more food...

Yeah, yeah. I sound like Negative Nancy, but I WILL be sticking this out. I have a good feeling about where all of this is going and I think something will come of it.

But know this: at the end of september, I'm going eat as much cheese and salami that I can fit in my tummy.

Kristine: the enlightened one

2010-08-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

If you know me, or read my blog, you've probably come to the conclusion that I am a very sporadic person. With no real order to my thoughts and the ability to change gears in seconds. Sometimes I picture my brain to look like a very unorganized desk, with important documents strewn everywhere, scratch paper with important notes half hidden under a cup of cold coffee and a dictionary buried under it all (some of the pages missing). More often than I'd like, it takes me a few too many seconds to find the word I'm looking for or a few too many minutes to get to the point I'm trying to make.

You've also most likely have realized that I have the unrealistic desire to do everything that I possibly can. And those things usually change from day to day, at best.

I'm not sure if these characteristics are bad or if they're good. I guess they just are what they are. But I can tell you one thing: I need some organization.

I'm considering going to Law school. Yes, I know you're probably shaking your head and thinking, "This girl doesn't know what she wants". I know I don't know what I want!

Enter the challenge:

I have this uncanny urge to put myself through some sort of challenge. Maybe because applying and challenging my soul will allow me to look deeper into who I am and what I truly want? I'm not sure. I basically just want some clarity because right now, my heart is a little foggy. And I can't make any decisions with a foggy heart, right?

What is going to be the challenge you ask? Well, I'm not exactly sure, that's where you come in. I was think along the lines of food. As in eating vegan for a couple of months. Or maybe eating gluten free. Or maybe doing a raw diet. I like

the idea of challenging myself to having a healthier diet. I know that hat you put in your body affects not only how you feel physically but also mentally and emotionally.

I'm hoping that through this, the things in my head with click into place and I'll be able to find some answers. Maybe I'll become enlightened like the monks in Nepal who spend years in silence.... I understand that this is quite unrealistic, but I'm hoping for the best.

In other news: I harvested tomatoes this weekend! There really is nothing like home grown vine ripened tomatoes with basil, olive oil and garlic. Yum. Oh the small, sweet things in life! They remind me that life is full of beautiful simple things and that happiness is the delightful burst of heirloom cherry tomatoes in my mouth!

Best Wedding Cake Recipe Ever

2010-08-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

This recipe is tried and true. This recipe has countless hours, eggs, and lemons behind it and is probably the best wedding cake (gluten free or otherwise) you have ever, or will ever taste. Yes, this is quite the tall statement, but I stand firmly behind it. You should probably feel very lucky that I am sharing this with you, reader, because I think I should maybe sell it to Martha Stewart, or something....

Next post: Vegetarian blog challenge, farm parties and law school?

Lemon Chiffon Cake

(makes 2 6X3 in cakes)

1 3/4 sugar

4 eggs

1 cup milk

1 tbsp vanilla

1 and 1/2 lemons worth of zest

1 cup extra light olive oil (love those omega 3s!)

2 3/4 cups GF flour mix (w/ xanthum gum), or regular flour

1 tbsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

Preheat: 350° Grease the shit out of the pans and line them with parchment and then grease the parchment (key step).

beat together eggs and sugar in your kitchen aid. Beat them for about a minute or two until it becomes a soft pretty yellow color. Meanwhile, whisk the milk, oil, vanilla and zest in a bowl. And the flour, baking powder and salt in another bowl. Then add the flour and milk mixture alternating between the two, starting and ending with the flour.

Bake until its done. I'm not going to give you a time because I don't even know.
You should probably put a lemony cream cheese frosting between the layers and a buttercream frosting on the outside.

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 1 day after

2010-08-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

Its over! and it was beautiful and delicious!

Decorated with dots: successful!

Vanagon ride to the wedding: successful!

Green and brown ribbon to match the bridesmaids: successful!

More pictures and recipes to come!

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 2 Days Left

2010-08-12T15:07:00.000-07:00

The cakes are baked, wrapped in plastic and waiting for their date with Mr. Frosting. Although there were some bumps in the road, I think that they're going to taste and look fine. And now that the stress of deflated cakes have past, I may have a dreamless sleep tonight. But probably not. I still have to frost and transport.

The past 4 days or so have consisted of dishes, oven checks, and a whole lot of sitting around and waiting. Inside. While the sun shines, beckoning me to play outside. It's frustrating, to say the least. Luckily, yesterday I got to take a break to ride my bike (which was ridiculously terrifying) and eat dinner with Miss Mel. Check out her blog. Her and her husband bought a Volkswagon van to live out of this summer while they prepare for their epic travel adventure around Asia. This week, they have it parked up Shultz Creek Road in Flagstaff which is absolutely beautiful. And after making tacos on the built in stove, washing dishes in the built in sink and sipping cold cider from ceramic mugs while swinging on their hammock, I was completely enchanted with the stage they have set to live their. They have adorned their van/home with pictures and art from friends, home made curtains and quilted blankets. They breath in the fresh mountain air every morning while sipping coffee among the pine trees. I am jealous of how beautiful they've made their life and I vow that at some point in my life, I will live in the forest with my husband, whoever that may be.

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 4 Days Left

2010-08-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

I decided to bake the carrot cake yesterday. This was probably a very good choice because I think I may have messed it up. The batter is so thick and full of fruit and nuts that it takes SO long to bake and even when it does seem to be done, its not.

I took it out of the oven too early, and while it looked perfect and delicious, when I went to cut the tops off to level the cake out, it was mushy and sticky. So yes. I messed up and think I may have to do this tier over again. But luckily, I have time.

I was thinking about how much I'm stressing out about this, and how much I love that. My life has been so easy, uneventful and stressless lately, that it feels so good to have something that I am responsible for. A task that I am in charge of and 100% accountable for, that I have to plan for, trouble shoot and execute. It's great. And even if it is just for a week, I have a purpose!

It makes me think about how much better it would be to work for yourself instead of somebody else. It also makes me think about getting a job. And how much I need something that I can contribute to! I know that I recently talked about how much I love being unemployed. And I do! But I feel like I need something to dedicate my time to. Just a little something. Because sitting around blogging and riding my bike all day isn't contributing to society. Which makes me feel like some sort of a dead beat. Which isn't anything new.

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 5 Days left

2010-08-09T09:31:00.000-07:00

Hi. It's Monday. Which means I have 4 and a half days before the cake has to be done. And although I did this last year, I think I forgot the actual steps in this process. The most pertinent step is when to start the cake. Should I start baking today? Will the cake taste old by the time the bride and groom cut into it? But if I start baking two days before (like what some cake baker's blog suggest) there won't be any room for error! Some say to freeze the cakes until they're ready to be frosted. But I don't feel good about that either. I know, I'm being overly-paranoid about this cake. And no, the night terror have not subsided, as of yet.

Yesterday I prepped the pans, cut wooden dowels and wrapped cardboard circles with tinfoil (used for support). I have 30 lb of gluten free flour ready to be baked and my kitchen aids (note the plural) are spotless and ready to support a 350 serving cake. The recipes are ready and delicious: Lemon chiffon as the bottom biggest tier (14 in) , vanilla bean with a fresh raspberry center (10 in), and carrot cake with a cream cheese filling (6 in) all with a french butter cream frosting. So, bottom line: I'm ready to bake! But when do I start?

Although I've been working hard on perfecting these recipes, the more blogs I read the more I want to really go all out and make a home make raspberry curd, increase the number of layers and try out new frostings. I recognize that it's not logical to do any of that. I think if I can just start this, I'll stop thinking about changing everything.

I felt that by writing about my cake concerns would help me to sort out any questions and arrive at some conclusions. But it hasn't. Now I just feel more paranoid and nervous and STILL don't know when to start the cakes. Shoot.

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 8 days and a minor concussion

2010-08-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

It sounds like I'm counting down for my wedding. But I'm not. It's for the cake and the small tasks that need to be done before the wedding. Like sewing table runners...

Today's tasks are: 1) buying ingredients 2) wrapping gifts for the bachelorette party and 3) finding a date for the wedding. If you know of anybody OR you want to be my date, send in an application.

I'd like to report that the cake disaster night terrors subsided last night, only to be replaced by dreams of me dying in my sleep. Let me explain:

I'd like to precede this story with this: The trails here are a lot more technical than the ones I've been riding in Missoula.

I went on an awesome group ride yesterday. We were climbing for about 2 hours and my lungs haven't fully acclimated to the altitude so I was pretty tired when we reached the downhill. I couldn't believe the things I was dropping. It was awesome. I felt awesome. Then, out of nowhere, I hit a boulder. Square on. And then flew in to another boulder. Luckily, my helmet protected me from crushing my skull, but while I was lying there after hitting that huge rock the only thing running through my head was "I'm paralyzed, I know it, I'M PARALYZED!" Thankfully my EMT friend was riding behind me and used his skills to ensure me I wasn't paralyzed. Nothing serious, just a minor concussion, deeply cut palm, slightly sprained wrist and blood. I got back on my bike and finished the ride (really slowly). My nurse and EMT friends had a friend stay over last night to wake me up every 2 hours. Just in case I would die in my sleep. So, of course, thats what occupied my dreams last night.

Over all, I feel like a bad ass.

The life of a pro bono wedding cake baker

2010-08-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

As some of you may already know, I'm baking my friends gluten free wedding cake next weekend. And while this may seem like quite the daunting task, it's really not. I've done it once before and its surpassingly easy. A lot of work and time in the kitchen, but over all, not very challenging (besides transportation). And since I will be spending hours and hours on end in the muggy floury haze of my small kitchen, I am going to devote the next week's worth of blogs to the production of this cake and the thoughts that arise in the process.

So far the extent of the cake baking has been the constant nightmares in which I either forget to bake the cake or it dramatically falls over in front of the bride and groom. I would actually categorize them as night terrors rather than mares because I wake up in a cold sweat and have the uncontrollable urge to get up and start baking the cake. I imagine that only until the cake is finished and sitting on it's table at the wedding, will these terrors stop. The actual baking will start on Sunday, I expect them to worsen as the week progresses.

I left Missoula last week and I have never missed it more than I do right now. Which isn't normal. I am literally counting down the days until I am back home (11).

The storm that chased our dinner inside. Even when its rainy, Missoula is the most beautiful place in the world!

Improper nutrition and interviews usually results in nausea

2010-07-30T14:52:00.000-07:00

Sticky situations. They some how sneak up behind you and beat you down to the ground just like lions on a camera man (reference to a youtube video called "FOOTAGE OF MAN EATEN ALIVE BY LIONS!!!". Look it up, but prepare yourself...It's horrible). Sometimes you're able to sense them, feel them in the air. Like lighting. But unable to discern if the feeling is excitement or terror. Thus, the situation is left to unfold itself. Then, BAM! Your knee deep in stickiness and have no idea how to abate the coming storm.

Example:
1. Frosted mini wheats and two cups of coffee- most likely not good fuel for a long, hot ride.
2. One water bottle in 90 degree heat- questionable dehydration? Not really.
3. Buying tickets to Europe, changing other peoples plans and then getting called for an interview- typical.

Love.

2010-07-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

I'm upside down. Everything is silent but for the muted clinking of river stones. I should be thinking about how to get above the water. I need to remember how to move my hips. But all I can think about is this peaceful serenity. Nothing else matters under here, the cool fresh water washes away my guilt, my fear and my thoughts. Clink. Clink. Clink. Russshh. My lungs start to burn. I open my eyes. The fuzzy scene in front of me is unrecognizable and for a moment, the burning stops. Russsshh. All I want is to stay in this moment forever. The burning returns and my head feels light. I flick my hips and move my paddle. Nothing happens. I flick my hips harder and my body remembers what to do next. My arms raise up, paddle brushes across the water, and my body moves to lay flat against the boat. I open my eyes and the bright light burns. The river pushes and tugs me. I'm upside down....

Huckleberry Vs. White Mint Oreo

2010-07-25T19:38:00.001-07:00

I usually get huckleberry. Huckleberry ice cream on a warm Missoula evening is, obviously, the best choice. But tonight, I chose white mint oreo. And when the lady asked my what I wanted I verbalized the first thing I saw on the chalk board list of flavors: white mint oreo. As I sat there, on the picnic table bench watching the people line up and the sun go down over Mount Sentinel, I couldn't help but think that this choice was, quite plainly, the worst ice cream choice possible. Yes, I know what you're thinking, oreo mint is usually pretty delicious. Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie is my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor. But tonight, at the infamous Big Dipper, I wasn't feeling it. And against my true and passionate love for ice cream, I didn't even finish my kids scoop.

Life is full of so many choices, small and big. And that night, my poor decision to get white mint oreo sparked another, much bigger (and hopefully better) decision. That night, against my desire, I feel under societal pressure to be different... and it failed. I though about my other choices and desires in life. My choice to start building my career and my desire to play instead of work. I love being free to do what I want (huckleberry). But I feel the need to succeed in a career (white mint oreo). Well I don't like white mint oreo. And thats it. I don't want to go to work. And thats it. So here is the new game plan: I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and not feel bad about being unemployed. If something comes up that I'm super excited about it, I will take it. If I'm not 100% passionate about an opportunity presented to me, then it will be turned down. Because really, what's the point in dedicating your time to something that doesn't even rial you up a bit? In the mean time, I'm going to ride my bike and float the river everyday. Because that's what makes me happy and that is what gets me excited. Until I find something that I love more than being free, I'll be playing everyday.

Right now, there something in Spain that seems to be enticing me. So I think I might go check out what exactly that is...

(photo: Western Montana In Business)

Chain Stays, Poison Ivy and being a Montana girl.

2010-07-20T09:02:00.000-07:00

I bought a new bike. It was quite an impulsive decision but I'm happy about it nonetheless. Its funny how emotionally connected I've become with it. He needs a name. I can't think of a good one.

In other news, I've been attacked by poison ivy and/or oak 3 times in the past 3 days. And only this morning I woke up to find that my legs are covered with a nasty, relentlessly itchy rash. Really, it was unavoidable. The poison ivy that is, not the rash. Obviously the rash is unavoidable after contact (side note: 30% of people are immune to the effects of poison ivy. I, however, am not apart of that 30%). It was not asif I wanted to frolic in fields of it, that's just how it had to be, being a Montana girl and all... Allow me to recount the past 3 day's worth of my poison ivy adventures:

Day 1: Hike up the Missions: Along with being one of the main corridors for Western Montana's Grizzly population, it alsohouses the highest population density of poison ivy (that's not a fact, just an exaggerated assumption). And while I was too busy checking my back to make sure I wasn't going to get mauled, I failed to notice the bushes and bushes of poisonous plants all around me. Only at the very end of the hike did I realize the situation. I turned around and pointed this out to my brother, who said "oh yeah, I know, but I'm immuuuune." And when I woke up the next morning in the clear, I thought I was "immuuuuune" too. Oh, how very wrong I was.

Day 2: After a lovely day of sailing, swimming, boating and water skiing, I joined my brother on his evening fly fishing adventure. After making far too many verysharp turns on a "road" which was really just a field of napweed and cheat grass, we arrived at the Flathead River. A beautifully, big, slow flowing river that's lined with fields of golden wheat and tall corn. But the r
>iver is about 100 feet down this gnarly cliff and as I look down, I see, scattered just below the ledge, bones. Yes, bones. And to the right I see a pile of what looks the remains of some sort of medium sized animal. A coyote maybe? Regardless of what is, I'm scared that a) I too, will end up like this poor creature and b) there are more of this creatures and they're going to eat me. And when I finally get down to the bottom of this cliff (I made it without any real injury) we find a huge pile of bear poop, and its still warm. But since it is made up mostly of berries, we figure its a black bear and not super dangerous. We continue along a small path that parallels the river, looking for a bank where we can set up our stuff. We find a bank and Brother trudges through a thick covering of, yes you guessedit, poison ivy. He says "you're just going to have to tough it out Kristine, this is what makes you a Montana girl." Thinking in my head "Yeah! I'm a Montana girl!" I skip across the ivy and jump in the river hoping that the water will wash it away before those chemicals have time to bond to my skin. The river was beautiful, and fly fishing was great. And when I woke up the next morning, my legs were fine! The water really did get rid of the ivy's poison! Oh, how very wrong I was....

Day 3: I took my sweet new bike up for a ride last night. It was incredible, as per usual. I did the wallman loop up the rattlesnake, which kicked my butt. I ate it hard on the descent (also as per usual) and landed in a thicket of...yes! Poison Ivy! WTF? I seems as though I am attracted to this stuff. And I woke up this morning, legs itching like crazy. So, I am that 70% of the population that does, in fact, react to poison ivy.

I can't stop itching.

Parts of the whole.

2010-07-15T17:12:00.000-07:00

Have you ever written an email only to realize that it way too long to be appropriate? And the things that you are saying don't really flow and have no real significance? But there is no way you want to delete it because you just spent almost 2 hours writing it? Yes, well I did that today. Thankfully, I have a blog to dump my word vomit on and you can choose to read it or not. There is no pressure here.

Oh man, I remember that heat. One summer I did a exchange type thing in Spain in high school. It was that summer that huge heat wave swept across southern europe and people were dying, mostly old and homeless people, but still, it was so terribly hot. The butter on the table would melt into a pool by the end of dinner. Ew, I hated those dinners. I stayed with a "family" but it really wasn't a family, it was an elderly couple. The women, Carmen, had bright orange hair that stood up on end (the sad result of a bad perm and color) her head was reminiscent of a jack-o-lantern. She was a terrible cook. Actually, she didn't even cook, she would fry. Sadly, I though all Spanish food was like for a while. The man, whom I dubbed " Pimp Daddy" was just ridic. He would wear all white, from his hat to his shoes, and would dec himself out with gold jewelry. He was full to the brim with gold necklaces, rings bracelets, etc. And every night (after the fried dinner) we would have to watch old videos of him as a matador. So I would go to bed in my sauna of a room, nearly naked but still sweating like crazy, belly full of fried things and images of Pimp Daddy in his white and gold holding a red sheet yelling "ole!" Oh Boy, it was terrible. I was miserable for about 3 weeks until I decided to stop eating at carmen and pimp daddy's house and started eating tapas and drinking Sidra (you should try it). Life got much better. Although, it was still hot and sleeping was near impossible, but I got through it.

I'm am pretty ok. I'm hanging out, not working and riding my bike a lot, so I cant really complain. I just feel very hesitant about getting a job right now. The closer and closer I get to finding one, the less and less I feel like I should take one. Really, all I want to do is play right now. But I feel like I need to start working because I've played for the past year and should get my butt into gear.

What's it like being me? It's for the most part, pretty awesome. I have parents that are supportive with everything I choose to do. Seriously, everything. I think if i told them that I was going bum around for another year or so, they would be totally ok with that too. I've had this really big urge to road trip up Highway 1 with an airstream and bikes. But I need a partner, because doing that by myself wouldn't be nearly as fun as. But who has the time/money to do that with me? If you know of anybody, just send them my way. I wish that that I could just have a life free of pressures to get a job and make a family, get an education and contribute to society. I know this is selfish, but I want to be selfish right now. I don't want to worry about helping the poor fisherman in Florida struggling to make end's meet because the oil spill has turned that state into a wasteland. Don't get me wrong here. My heart hurts for that situation and I wan't to do everything I can to help. But I wish that I didn't want to and I wish that I could peacefully be selfish. Naive and unaware. I just want to have fun for the rest of my life. I've got to figure out a productive way of doing that.... I've been playing a lot of guitar with my brother lately. I just learned an O.A.R song, I feel home. Its pretty fun. I feel productive when I play music.

I want to go to Spain.

New things

2010-04-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

Updates on my life:
1. Loving living alone. I never thought I would be able to handle coming home to an empty house, but its actually the best thing that has happened to me in while. Having a peaceful, clean and beautiful place to reflect after a shitty day at work is worth surrendering 3/4 of my pay check ... which brings me to point two.
2. Work sucks. Which sucks. I'm still trying to figure out if I am disliking THE job or disliking having a job. Currently, I am inclined to think it is THE job that I hold so much animosity against because a) my creative freedom is severely limited b) the intellectual stimulation is well below minimal and c) the radio station is always set to heavy metal which does not support a positive mental state. I also got beaten to the ground by falling bread pans.
3. I am going to the orthodontist tomorrow. Ugh. Big fat two thumbs down. My jaw problem is getting a lot worse and that's just icing on the cake! I have a sever jaw problem that requires 2 years of braces (along with complete disgrace, humility and shame) followed by reconstructive jaw surgery. I've been putting this off for the past 4 years now and apparently the problem as not disappeared (I was really wishing it would). In fact, the joint degeneration has been moving right along at a pace faster than expected. Yippee.
4. I'm happy its summer, but I find myself hoping that the sun isn't shining on Sundays - Thursdays. That way, I don't feel bad about being inside, listening to hate music and getting attacked by falling pans.

With all of that said, I'm in a happy place right now. Seriously, I am.

Eating

2010-03-17T19:53:00.000-07:00

I am serious when I say that I think I have an eating problem.
I can't stop.
(Currently, I'm on my 3 dark chocolate kiss. Mmmm, its like velvet on my tongue.)

The eating comes in waves. Warm chocolate ganache waves, actually. And right now, I feel like I'm at the crest, about to tumble into the trough and thrown into a over fed stupor.
Oh, I guess I'll find my balance someday. Right now, I'm relishing in my body's ability to metabolize incredible amounts of fat and sugar.

Maybe when I'm ready to stop eating I'll hang this picture up by my dinner table...

(Hong Kong fish market)

In other news, I decided to go to LA to visit Jackie tomorrow. I can't wait to see the ocean and my beautiful friend.

Pretzel Love.

2010-03-09T16:34:00.000-08:00

Some fun facts about pretzels...

Pretzels were originally made to resemble the arms of praying Christian monks. Apparently people used to pray with their arms crossed. Weird.

2. People in Philly eat 200 lbs of them a year. Ironic?

3. Lye is a pretty strong base (NaOH) that is used to turn the dough to the deliciously caramel color.

Hazardous and Christian.... How dangerously heavenly.

I made them and then ate them warm, which made my day a little less lonely. The emotional connection I had with these warm pieces of dough seemed to be far more developed that it should have been. Let me explain:
I love baking, I love being in the kitchen, and therefore I love my job. I bake all day, taste incredible food and make people happy. It's great. But it seems like at the very instant I leave Brandy's, I go from blissful happiness to grumpy grandma. I transform from a chatty smiling Kristine to one who is short tempered and petulant. I don't want to be around anybody and frankly, I doubt they want to be around me. All I feel like doing is going home to sit on my couch and drink tea...alone. I think it's just a way that I am dealing with all of this change. Change in life style, change in a home and change in my relationships. But these pretzels made me happy.

I made the them on my day off. It was 4pm and I hadn't seen anybody for almost 24 hours. And when my little creations came out of the oven, they were warm and soft and comfortable and I couldn't get annoyed with them because they were perfect and lifeless. Sometimes I need something perfect and lifeless (i.e. a book, music, food, ect.) and I semi fell in love with these.

Maybe you will too?

Obviously I do not have lye around my house, but I do have baking soda (also a base: NaHCO3) which worked like magic.

Easily lovable soft pretzels
1 1/2 cup warm water
1 pkg yeast
1 tbsp sugar

Combine this in your standing mixer's bowl and allow to "bloom". The yeast will expand and will look like foam when its ready. In another bow mix:

4 1/2 cup flour (I used non bleached all purpose)
2 tbsp salt

Add this to the bloomed yeast and mix with your dough hook. Make sure not to mix it for too long. Doing that will make tough pretzels and nobody likes tough pretzels. The dough should come together into a ball that gives a little when you push on it with your fingers.
Oil a spot on your counter and let the dough rise there (with the mixer bowl on top of it) for about 1 hour. Note: Although you may want to knead the crap out of it, leave your anger out of this and find something else to pound your problems away on.
Bring a big pot of water with about 1/2 cup of baking soda to a boil. Meanwhile divide the dough into 8 chunks and roll into a rope and shape it however you want. While rolling out all the 8 pieces, put the already shaped pieces on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and under a damp kitchen towel to keep them moist.
Place 1 or 2 pretzels at a time into the boiling water for about 30 seconds, flip them over for a bit more then take them out. Brush them with an egg wash and sprinkle with kosher salt.
Bake them at 450* for about 12 min (or until caramely brown) .
Eat. And fall in love.

Kristine's Muffin Top

2010-03-07T09:16:00.001-08:00

While this title may suggest that I have a bad case of back fat and a few pairs of extra tight jeans, I am seriously considering it as the new subtitle to this blog.

Because I am currently living my dream as a baker, I feel like I should honor this part of my life by blogging about it. And because being a baker means that I will probably eat many more pastries than I already do, a muffin top may very likely be inevitable.
Planned Spontaneity, the name, isn't going to change. Its a rather appropriate title for my life; you know, making last minute decisions and then changing my mind twice. That's what I do. That's probably what I will be doing for the rest of my life. I'm not ashamed of it and I'm not going to try to fix it, because life is so much for fun when there is enough room for spontaneity. The name will stay the same.

So yes, I will be blogging mostly about my adventures in the bakery: Learning about the hallucinogenic properties of rye starters and the hierarchy of restaurant staff, and fully appreciating comfortable shoes.
So far, my experience as an apprenticed baker is fantastic. The best part of it all is seeing somebody bit into one of my freshly baked goodies with a look of utter pleasure on their face. I love being in the kitchen where incredibly beautiful food is being prepared and where are people rushing all around me; chopping cabbage, cleaning chicken, whipping a chai white chocolate ganache. Yumm.

Well I'm off to to work where I will most likely make 5 dozen baguettes. Ohhh what a beautiful life I have right now.
Stay tuned to see how far my bachelor's in biology/chemistry will take me into the baking world.

The Sea Spirit

2010-03-06T16:09:00.000-08:00

I smile o'er the wrinkled blue
Lo! the sea is fair,
Smooth as the flow of a maiden's hair;
And the welkin's light shines through
Into mid-sea caverns of beryl hue,
And the little waves laugh and the mermaids sing,
And the sea is a beautiful, sinuous thing!

I scowl in sullen guise
The sea grows dark and dun,
The swift clouds hide the sun
But not the bale-light in my eyes,
And the frightened wind as it flies
Ruffles the billows with stormy wing,
And the sea is a terrible, treacherous thing!

When moonlight glimmers dim
I pass in the path of the mist,
Like a pale spirit by spirits kissed.
At dawn I chant my own weird hymn,
And I dabble my hair in the sunset's rim,
And I call to the dwellers along the shore
With a voice of gramarye evermore.

And if one for love of me
Gives to my call an ear,
I will woo him and hold him dear,
And teach him the way of the sea,
And my glamor shall ever over him be;
Though he wander afar in the cities of men
He will come at last to my arms again.

-Lucy Maud Montgomery

This conjures up such intense emotion in my heart. I can't stop reading this beautiful piece of literature. I want to sing it loudly and write it on everything I see. I want to live in these bewitching and captivating words and feel this feeling it gives me forever. It tells me that change is common, normal and good. When my sunny soul is hidden in a fog of anger, my will shine through. Emotions ebb and flow just like the sea.

I especially love the last verse. It posses a question that is perpetually in my subconscious mind.
Do I have glamor to "ever over"?
I must.

Mochi

2010-02-09T22:13:00.001-08:00

It may be judged by it's hot pink color. Or maybe by it's stark resemblance to "The Blob". Regardless, the incredible sweetness and gooey texture brings back memories of my fantasy like childhood, filled with hibiscus flowers, mango trees, ocean waves and sun filled play dates. Like the smoothness of a wave's crest, it fills my mouth with silky goodness in a way that only mochi can.

Who would have thought that rice flour and sugar could create such a incredible treat?

My dear Hawaii, you're in my soul forever.

grr

2010-02-09T13:30:00.001-08:00

There are few people in my life that can crush my inner happiness in just a few words. No, I'm not going to point fingers, but... The one who affects me the most is the one whose house I'm staying at and food I am eating. The one who is paying for my car insurance and cell phone bill.
Oh, how effortlessly he can take the gentle Hawaiian breeze of my heart and manifest it into a raging storm. The initial joy my presence brought to him has all but deteriorated into annoyance and impatience. His face is apparent with doubtful questions as cantankerous as "Will she ever be able to be dependent" or "Is there even a sliver of hope that she will find a job" and even "When is she going to leave" These questions are currently residing on his every expression and yet, he felt the need to voice them while I was enjoying sand between my toes and the sun on my face.

Well done.

I'd like to leave now.

Delhi Belly

2009-12-19T04:45:00.000-08:00

I'm blogging to you out of pain, frustration and anger. This may not be the most appropriate blog to write following the most epically beautiful 16 days of my life, but I need to vent and I need you to have pity on me right now.

It must have all started going wrong when we found out we needed visas for India. That was the 1st, and unfortunately only the beginning, of this long string of unfortunate events (that may or may not be due to sever lack of planning).

As you may remember, we had to buy a completely new ticket from Bangkok (bkk) to Kathmandu (ktm) (re-booking #2): After rescheduling our tickets out of Delhi for a few hours earlier (re-booking #1) only to be denied entrance on the plane. Hence rebooking #2.... Not that big of a deal. Got to ktm early, started are incredibly glorious trek early and had a few extra days in Nepal. Great. So great. Then the rumors of a Moaist strike started to circulate. Foreigners were advised to leave before the 20th of December in order to avoid all dangerous situations (whoa, I guess we really are in an unstable 3rd world country).
This is where this awfully uncomfortable situation started.

Yesterday afternoon, we got invited to have dinner at Andy's Nepali neighbor (from Flagstaff)'s family's house in Kathmandu. It was so special to have been able to experience a Nepali home, be welcomed into the family, be served Nepali tea (which I seriously couldn't get enough of) and or course (dum dum dum....) be fed Nepali food. Ugh. Still, even the though of that dinner makes me want to vom. The actual eating of the food was rather enjoyable. But I'll tell you what was NOT enjoyable... the next 24 hours (and counting) of severe abdominal pain along with other bodily functions I've been advised not to write about.
This is a major contributor to this incredibly uncomfortable situation.

After hearing about this Maoist situation, my incredibly generous parents book us 1st class tickets from ktm to bkk via Delhi on Indian Air (Indian Air?! This should have been a red flag from the beginning...). We got up this morning to get to the airport 2 and a half hours before our flight (just to be safe) and, SURPRISE! Flight is delayed... nearly 3 hours! and of course we miss the flight from Delhi to bkk. And of course, when we got off the plane here, NOBODY would take responsibility. The brought us to the transit area and had us sit and wait for hours and hours with nobody around to talk to and help us. Every time some one official would walk by, they would brush us aside and tell us it wasn't their problem and no they couldn't help us. It was chaos. People yelling, spit flying... If I weren't so upset I probably would have found it quit comical. But I was on the verge of tears. I felt like throwing up again. My clothes smelled like I'd been trekking in them for weeks (because I had) my bag was heavy, it was hot. I just wanted to be in Manila.
Nobody would help us. We couldn't leave the transit terminal because we didn't have visas. Like those poor souls in purgatory, were were clinging to every person who walked in through the doors from the outside. But nobody cared. Then I decided to play the money card and yelled, "Excuse me! Is this how Indian Air treats their first class passengers!? Outrageous!" Then they were on me like a bunch of seagull on a piece of bread. They took us to a very nice lounge, gave us a meal and took very good care of us from there. They put us on a Thai Airways flight to bkk which was a total upgrade from Indian air.
Its amazing how different we were treated after they found out we had spend money for a 1st class ticket. I guarantee that if I hadn't said anything about the 1st class we would still be in Delhi. Why is that?
Manila today and I can't wait to shower with out my crocs on!!!

Wish me luck.

2009-11-28T17:47:00.000-08:00

Um... I am leaving for a 14 day trek... through the Himalayan moutains....at 17,500 feet....in the winter...in less than 12 hours!

I am so unprepared in so many ways: I've never been backing before. The last time I really exercised was at Hopu (frisbee tourney) and I don't even have a pair of pants. But I dont even care. I am so ready for this!

Its going to be quite the experience. I know I'm going to go through some serious pain and suffering, but I'm hoping that it will help me "see the light" so to speak, on so many of these antagonizing life questions. (Remember that file that I closed? yeah, well it seems to have opened right back up.... looks like I haven't come as far as I thought I had)

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus

Please pray for me, or at least sends positive thoughts my way. I know I'll need them.

My tummy hurts.

I think I am more scared about the bus ride from here to the trail head than I am of treking...

Bump #2 (Sent from my iPod, don't mind the typos)

2009-11-27T08:24:00.001-08:00

We canoed down the river quai, underneth the famous bridge with the sun setting at our backs. We rented motorcycles and drove along the country side. We swam in the travertine waters and falls of erawan. We ate sweet warm sticky rice out of hollow bamboo. We had 2 glorious stress free days.

I was so sure it was going to work! I didn't even think of a plan b in case India wouldn't let us in. But I should have because we didn't even come close to India! In fact, we didn't even make it out of the bangkok airport.

I knew thw TLP was too easy and simple to be true. But then my ingenuousness got the better of me.

So 400$ later... We decided to head to Nepal tomorrow and start our trek early. It's work out now but the stress level at the airport when we were told we couldn't go was through the roof.
But after eating some Mango and sticky rice I knew that we would conquer.

Today I was very not thankful for a lot of things. then I was reminded to remember everything that I AM thankful for. I really am thankful for a lot of things in my life. But today I was very thankful to have Andy help me stay positive. And also my credit card to buy expensive suprise tickets to kathmandu.

Visa

2009-11-24T16:16:00.000-08:00

At least its over. At least the anxiety and the pain of anticipation of getting a visa is gone. All that I am left with is more anxiety...

As I was secretly expecting we did not get the visas for India. It would take 5 days to "process" and we only had 4. I begged and pleaded and asked if there was anything... ANYTHING I could do to expedite it. But, alas, they refused and my heart broke and the tears started. I could tell that the official behind the desk truly felt sorry for me, that's how I know I did everything I could...

After a morning of attempting to reorganize our trip, change flight dates and other stressful things of that natures, I happened upon the New Delhi airport websites. Then I found the immigration control website. Then I saw TLP - temporary landing permit. We are allowed into the country for 72 hours without a visa! Did you hear me?! We are allowed into India for 3 days WITHOUT A VISA! and you know what else? Our original tickets are for 3 days. But, like all things in life, there's a catch. They hold our passports while we are in the country. and the TLP is granted by the officer if he "feels satisfied by the purpose of our journey. It sounds like there is going to have to charm this officer. Big time. I'm not worried, I'm a pro at that.
So the anxiety that's replaced the initial anxiety is far less (albeit in this case, the risks are higher...we may have to stay in the New Delhi airport for 3 days.). We visited the Grand Palace and the Emerald Buddah yesterday. The intense mid-day heat felt like it was beating down on us like a heat lamp on baby chickens. The sweat was condensing on the small of my back and my upper lip. But non of those unhygienic happenings that I am so aware of in America didn't seem to register. All I could think about was how that glorius sun was reflecting off of the millions of jewels that encrusted every inch of the buildings in front of me. The massive golden domes topped with a needle like spire, the many dazzling alters that shaded it's worshipers, the florid painted mythical guards that stood beside each entrance. It was all so unreal, so holy and so peaceful. These temples must be such a haven, such an oasis from the crazy, dirty city outside it's walls. Out there, rules are not followed, there is no order and chaos is normal. In there, rules are never broken and respect is customary.

Oh green curry, how I missed you so

2009-11-23T06:06:00.000-08:00

It's incredible how much a comfortable room and a good meal can make a difference. Remember last time I was in Bangkok? Well I do. And I hated it. Mostly because we were staying at a sketchy place and paying 5 times more than we should have for a mediocre meal. But today, I'm loving it. The dirty streets and the haze in the air actually feels a bit like home. Is that weird? Yeah, I guess it is...

Indian Embassy tomorrow.

Linds, we're staying at the wild orchid villa. I wish you were here!

Oh hello Taipei

2009-11-22T21:20:00.001-08:00

Let me tell you how awesome the iPod touch is... It's super awesome!

We're in Taipei. It's really uncomfortable here. Mostly because everybody is wearing a mask. It makes me feel like i'm the sick patient in a really big and busy hospital.
I can't seem to shake my stress over this visa. I can't even see our trip beyond going to the Indian embassy in Bangkok. I'm trying hard to be possitive. Andy helps because he's never negative.

last mintue

2009-11-21T23:33:00.000-08:00

I'll post as often as I can. Here's the schedual in case you were wondering:

Nov 22-27 in BKK
Nov 27-Dec 1 in Delhi
Dec 1-19 in Nepal
Dec 19 - one night in Delhi
Dec 20- Jan 4 in Manila
Jan 4-6 in Hong Kong
Jan 6 Missoula.

January 7- a lot of sleeping.

The hardest part

2009-11-21T10:27:00.000-08:00

I hate this part. Right before the trip. When everything is scattered everywhere and I can't find anything. When I only have a few hours to complete the last few essential tasks (like booking a hotel room, printing my tickets and making sure everything is clean and packed) I seriously consider canceling the trip. For some reason, in my wacky head, I think canceling would be easier and better than packing. But luckily the more rational part of my brain stays strong and gets me through it!

I've been at this whole traveling thing for a while now and while I was laying in bed last night, I thought about how incredibly lonely I am right now, with no familiarity or home. At the moment my heart sank as I realized I had nobody to comfort me, hold me and listen to me. But then I was hit by this wave of complete pride. I don't need that! I can't 100% take care of myself and do this all by myself. That is what I need to focus on when I'm sad and lonely. That is how I will stay positive when I'm struggling up a Himalayan peak. Happiness and goodness with pursue if I remember how successful I am at being independent.

A few wise men once said:
"It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come."

I've been meditating on this for a day or two. Having a good heart has to be the golden key of life. A good heart for others and a good heart for yourself? That must mean happiness. Is this the answer to what I've been searching for? Why I've been traveling and putting myself in uncomfortable places? It is certainly possible. I just didn't think it would be this simple.

Goal for Nepal, India and Thailand: To have a good heart no matter the situation, to take each moment with grace and to remember my Independence in times of loneliness.

Bump #1

2009-11-17T23:49:00.000-08:00

I haven't even left yet and I've already hit a bump in the road.

Today I found out that I do, in fact, need a visa to get into India. Why did I think that I didn't need one? I don't even know. I feel like the biggest idiot. If there is anything that I should know about is how to travel. Its my area of expertise. Its what I know. But obviously not. I really effed up.

It takes 5-7 days to send my passport to the Indian embassy in San Francisco, process the visa and then send it all back to Hawaii. It wouldn't work. Its too late.

We're going to try to get one at the Indian Embassy in Bangkok. They said it also takes 5 days but I think I might be able to charm them. Please hope for the best.

If it doesn't work out then... well thats whats I get for being an idiot.

Remember "the children"!

2009-11-13T12:48:00.000-08:00

I'll tell you why I haven't blogged in a while. Because it's hard. Because blogging means thinking about life, and thinking about life means processing things that I would rather not deal with. And dealing with those things is hard and makes me cry. And crying alone in a big, huge, empty, scary house... well its just not fun. But it is necessary. So here I am. Blogging.

First I need to tell you about Thailand. All in all, that place is so wonderful. We traveled around the islands and beaches in the South and every place we went was picture perfect: gum drop islands, limestone cliffs, crystal blue water and diving that I couldn't get enough of. It's a place that caters to tourist and is perfect for a new traveler. Everything was just so easy. Easy to get around. Easy to find a place to stay. Easy to find good food. Easy everything.

In fact, it was so easy I kind of felt bad at times. And even now I feel bad. Everyday, I step back and take a look at my life right now. I feel like I'm in a constant dream. I had pure fun all day and everyday in Thailand. And here, its plain ridiculous. I wake up from a beautiful nights rest (on a temperpedic mattress!) to the sound of waves crashing on the beach in front of the house. I walk out on to the balcony and watch the ocean for a bit before going down to make a cup of coffee. I take it with me on to the beach and drink it there. Then I put on my yoga pants and hop in the Benz that my Aunt has given to me and drive to yoga. I run on the beach, I hike to waterfalls, I drink acai smoothies. This life belongs to some rich house wife. I can't deny it. I love it. I feel like I shouldn't love it. This is the life that other people frown upon and say "she should be giving the money she's using to buy her double americano with steamed half and half to starving children in Africa". Yeah, well if I really were living this life, I probably should be thinking about starving children. But guess what, right now I'm thinking about myself and how much I love basking in this golden glory. I doubt I will ever be living like this in my real life.
What if I do though? Would I remember the starving children? Surely I would. But perhaps they will be pushed to the back of my thoughts and nag at me like how forgotten tasks nag. Is it bad that I'm enjoying this selfish life style? Does the fact that I recognize that its selfish make it better? Does it somehow make me resistant to forgetting the starving children? I'd like to think so...

I've been thinking a lot about how much persuasion power people have in my life. It seems like I'm constantly looking for other people's opinions about things that only I will be able to decide. Not only is this totally the WRONG way to move through life, after hearing what they have to say, I then dwell on their opinions AND THEN I even start to confuse theirs with my own. I'm embarrassed..... And then I get so mixed up and confused I stop thinking about what ever I'm thinking about all together. OR, I choose incorrectly and then, that's it. Game over. Kristine looses at life. Its a lost cause.
So the last few days I've really pulled apart a part of my life that consumes me. I've been using only my thoughts and feelings and disregarding what everybody (EVERYBODY) else thinks. And the result? incredibly happiness. my heart feel light and airy. I have successfully evaluated a part of my life, a section? a unit? a chapter? a page? a file? yes! a file. I have successfully examined and evaluated one of my life's files. I've made a conclusion and now I can close that file, put a mental "completed" stamp on it and tuck it away. Yeah, it may seem like you probably do this everyday. But really? Do you really mentally block out your peer's opinions? If you do then I'm impressed because its hard!

I leave for the Nepal trip on Sunday. I'm not ready. But I did buy new tank tops at Lululemon today. I feel fat every time I go into that store. Is that normal?

"Jesus was not a Gibbon": An Experience.

2009-10-14T02:52:00.000-07:00

What I saw this week, the feelings I felt and the things I experienced are the type of which I can not even express to you. This is my third attempt at trying to explain:

First let me give you a bit of back ground. Its a project started by some French guy to attempt to protect a section of Laos' old growth jungle. Since we all know that slash and burn practices are not the best things for the forest ecosystems, the French guy has introduced ecotourism to the local villages surrounding a forest reserve.

The ride from the boarder of Laos to the "base camp" was extraordinary if not a bit... or really really...painful. My less the good judgement got me a seat in the bed of a truck. I willingly volunteered to sit, for 3 hours up a dirt "road" with pot holes so big and deep I swear if all the muddy water were to be sucked out of them, you could stare straight down into a dark abyss and see straight through the earth to the USA. In some areas the road was like a large orange mud slide and the trucks would slide SIDEWAYS down. Thankfully my death grip won me my life. But, I would have sat in that jostling truck bed for 8 more hours for what was up a head.

We passed small villages who's houses were made out of grass and palm leaves, where children were running around naked and women were walking around topless. We passed green rice patties shimmering in the wind. Then, a steep 2 hour trek up got us deep into the jungle to base camp, where we then zip lined to our tree house. (pause) Yes, I said tree house. And yes, it is everything you are imaging, but more. Complete with a bathroom with running water, shower and sink, three bed rooms and a kitchen lounge area. With hammocks. In a fig tree. On the very top of the canopy.

Looking out, all you see is deep, deep green. A green so alive you can feel it. I can not describe what I felt looking over that blanket of trees and vines, but I can tell you I've only felt it 2 other times in my life, one of those times was at white haven beach in Australia.

The sound was an experience in it's self. The constant clicking and singing and screeching of the insects was so blaringly loud. My ears are still ringing. And then there was gibbon's song, which reverberated above all, across the hills and valleys right around to our tree house.

I'm going to stop there because I am afraid if I go on, my poor language and writing will taint the picture forming in your head. So instead, I'll just let your brain finish what I've started.

But I will say this: Those few days showed me so many new elements to life. So many important and beautiful images that the world only offers a few lucky people. And only a few of those lucky people really grasp the grandeur. Ex: What it truly means to live in poverty in a small village. Why we need to keep the rainforest's around. How truly thankful we should be for paved roads. (Questions I will address in the next blog).

Now I can check off one of my life long goals: Live in a tree house- check.

Life update:

I can now successfully pee in a squat toilet. Thank you.
I've been attacked by bed bugs 4 nights in a row... Gaa-ross.

My digestive system is doing great.

Going to the islands day after tomorrow (I cant wait!).

sawasde ka, I am a Farang.

2009-10-07T17:18:00.000-07:00

Let me tell you a little something about Bangkok: If Bangkok was to be the only place you visit in Thailand, then you most likely would never want to come back. Even though the markets are great and the food is like heaven in your mouth, all of that is fogged over by the thick gray pollution that is easily visible throug your blood shot itchy eyes (the result of such poor air quality).

5 am: I look over the mass of silver tin roof tops. Vendors are starting to set up and hunker down for another 20 hours of Farang bartering). The sun rises like a red ball and the smog is masking beauty of it's morning rise. The dim reddish light seems to cast a eerie glow on all things. I take a big breath in and almost choke.

8 am: Walking down the surprisingly clean streets to find a fruit vendor is a lot harder than expected. Weaving in and out of half drunk tourist all the while dodging pushy taxi and tuk- tuk drives who are belting, "where you going? I drive you in tuk-tuk". Finally we find fruit and once that mango hits my mouth, everything get surprisingly better.

Rest of the day: We met up with my friend Amber who is studying abroad in Bangkok for the semester (kudos Amber, I wouldn't ever be able to do it...). Went to a night market, bartered for a beautiful tapestry, got it for 1000 baht (probably ridiculously over priced), and had more mango. My mood increased 10 fold.

We got into Chaing Mai yesterday. Its like the complete 180 from Bangkok. Imagine an Asian Flagstaff. Yeah, its that great.

There are markets and temples and monks everywhere. The jungle seems to be encroaching on the town, as opposed to the city flattening the jungle. Its a beautiful sight.

Today I went to a Thai cooking school. Now, pad thai, tom yum, mussuman curry and spring rolls are not a mystery to me. I can't wait to make it for you guys.

We are planning on going to Laos day after tomorrow to do a trek. Check out the web site. It seems pretty all around awesome: http://www.gibbonx.org/

Let me recap and make a few things clear, just in case:

1. Bangkok sucks

2. Chaing Mai rocks

3. I will not stop eating. < note the period

4. I could live here.

5. I think i'm getting a cold...(not mentioned above)

big love.

New plans

2009-09-30T14:07:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am sitting here trying to grasp the fact, the very important fact, that I'm leaving for a big trip in 2 days time. And, yet again, I can't seem to fully comprehend it. It might be that my conscious mind is keeping me from this exigent and stress provoking situation because it seems as though only in the late hours of the night,when I feel like I could lay in those blue and tan sheets forever, when I'm so cozy and happy and relaxed, it hits me. It hits me and I know from Saturday morning on, the closest thing that I will have to home for then next 4 months will be my sleeping bag. The sleeping bag part, I am totally excited about (thailand, hawaii, back to thailand, delhi, nepal, philippines, hong kong...sweet!). Its the getting back that I'm scared about. And while thinking about it now would be (and is) pointless and useless, it doesn't take away from knowing that there are going to be big, important life decisions to make when I return.

Trip details:
Oct3- Nov1: Thailand
Nov 2-5: Flagstaff
Nov5-22: Hawaii
Nov 23-27: Bangkok
Nov 27-Dec 1: Delhi
Dec 1- Dec 19: Nepal
Dec 20-Jan 6: Philippines
Jan 6-9: Hong Kong
Jan 9: back to the USA.

Thats such a HUGE trip! Lord, please let my saving last me through January...

so this is life.

2009-09-08T08:20:00.000-07:00

This is what it feel like to be free from it all. Free from homework, free from a job, free from... responsibility....?

It took me a good 4 months to be ok with this. And by this mean not having a job or school or some form of activity that makes me feel productive. While you may be thinking to yourself that my situation would be incredibly pleasant and very exciting (not to mention extremely lucky) you may not be thinking about what comes along with it...

The first and most important and heart aching is that the relationships in my life are ending more than they are beginning. And I am hanging on to each of them by the hair string. Some of them I know are going to last, some of them won't and a few of them I am unsure about. The friendships that have engendered around me have grown deep in my heart and its hard to give that away. It is so hard. It seems to be harder than I expected. It seem so be pulling my heart apart in 2 different directions. I want to choose which way to go, which direction to send my heart, but I feels as though I don't have the knowledge or ability to make that decision what ever that decision is.
Secondly, I am going against my brain's better judgment. The most inappropriate choice as far as my career is going, is to do what I am doing: letting all of my erudite and pedant self be lost in a sea of travel. Until recently, I thought the worst part of this was in between trips, when I have nothing to do but sleep in and have fun exploring Flagstaff or Montana. While everybody is being responsible at work or school, I wake up too late, drink too much coffee and don't do anything mentally productive during the day. (note the past tense)
Thirdly, I know my parents are almost dying of worry. Worried that their daughter isn't making the right choices. Worried that I'll get kidnapped while in Cambodia. Worried (and I have strong reason to believe this is their biggest worry) that I will get married and pregnant and not become the women they see me becoming. I'm not going to even start on that....

Don't think that I am not truly grateful for what I have and what I am able to do in this next year. Because I am. Now. It took a bit to figure out how awesome this life I'm living is. And how fast this period in my life is going to be over. I have been loving every single second of it as of late. I have stopped feeling guilty about my lack of productivity by occasionally studying for the GREs. I've decided to base myself in Flagstaff to keep my friendships and community as closely tied to me as possible. And I've learned that there is nothing I can do or say to placate my parent's wild thoughts.

This is my life.
It is so great right now!

Love in life. Truth in love.

2009-08-08T23:10:00.001-07:00

What is it supposed to look like? It's got so many faces and so many ways.

Mel's and Kris's wedding was such an incredible event. I am so honored to have been able to play a part in it. Watching both of those beautiful, big hearted and gentle people grow together and fall in love was (and is) a story that has taught me so much.
I've learned how beautiful love is, how incredibly powerful and real it is. I learned that being in love means "laying your life down for one another", being an forgiver, and encourager and a enabler. It truly means being one in each other and one in the world.
Today I realized how lucky they are to have found each other this early in their lives. While she may only be 22, she has found somebody who's presences lights up her life and really does complete her (don't mind the cliche). He fights for her, is patient with her and would literally do everything for her. He swept her off her feet. And the catch here is this: she does the same. Together they enchant their friends, family and each other. They radiate happiness and truth. She shows him a new side of life everyday, and him to her. I love that.

I know that love and marriage looks different to and for everybody but its hard not to compare.

Leaving Barcelona

2009-07-10T04:35:00.000-07:00

This is the first time I've been sad to leave a place during my travels. Barcelona has been so good to me. Its hard to say good bye to such a wonderful city with beautiful people and such an interesting vibe.
I'm in such a funk at the moment. I did think that I would be sad to be done with this trip and to be leaving Europe, but I definitely am.
I have a confession to make.... During my stay in Copenhagen I was an inch away from shortening my trip. The mental struggle that I was going through was so intense. Yeah, I know it was only 1 week. But in that one week I went through some heavy emotional growth and at times I wanted to give up and come home. I didn't think I could do that for 4 weeks. AND it didn't help that my parents were trying their best to persuade me to return early.

But I pushed through! And looking back at it all now, it seems as though I was being a little to dramatic. Or maybe not. Maybe this trip has toughened my skin. Maybe I got used to traveling and got better at making friends along the way. Jackie totally helped. She was like the churros in my chocolate caliente: Chocolate (say it like your speaking Spanish) is very thick and strong by it's self, hard to put it down, but delicious nonetheless. But dipping the churros in the chocolate is like a heaven send (and one of the greatest foods of Spanish cuisine). The churros cut the intense chocolate flavor. They allow you to enjoy every single moment you spend eating this Spanish treat, they allow you to fully appreciate the chocolate and give you the ability or the encouragement to drink it alone.

So, I'm so sad to go. I feel like I just started getting the hang of traveling alone. I just figured out how I like to spend my days and evenings in different places. I just made some wonderful friends and I probably won't ever see them again. I guess that might be the beauty of traveling at my age. The relationships that are formed are put on warp speed because of the time restriction you have. So the friends you make feel like you've had them for years, instead of just hours.
But I am tired. I don't think that I want to stay longer. I think I am just sad its over and sad that I'm leaving such a wonderful place.
I'll be back here again.

Barcelona

2009-07-06T14:23:00.000-07:00

I've only been here for a few hours but I have already fallen in love with Barcelona.

Jackie and I parted ways this morning in Prague. It was incredibly hard to see her go, not only because I didn't know when I was going to see her again but also because I knew that traveling solo will commence again. So the flight was a bit somber, but as soon as I got to my hostel (complete with free wifi AND bean bag chairs... hells yeah) I perked up immediately. I walked over to the bottom of Las Ramblas and saw the Columbus monument (I swear, every city in Western Europe claims to be the home of Columbus or has his bones... ). The monument is the start of Las Ramblas which is the main strip in town that connects everywhere to everywhere. Its lined with palm trees and when the warm breeze sweeps by its hard to think of a place I'd rather be.

I ate at a very small tapas bar off the main strip and it just may be one of the best places I've EVER . Let me try to set the scene: The entire area in front of the bar is only about 2 people wide but was very long. The counters are laden with plates of different kinds of "pinchos" held together with a toothpick. The bartender gives you a plate and asks what color of wine you want. You eat standing up, grabbing what ever looks good. Occasionally a small woman walks by with a plate of pinchos hot from the oven. When you're done, they count the number of toothpicks left on your plate and charge you by that. I chatted with a man from France. It was nice.

I'm so thankful for hostels. Its like being a freshmen in the dorms again. Everybody wants to make friends and know what your story is. Its a lot less lonely than a B and B. Tomorrow- Barri Gotic and the market.

Prague

2009-07-04T00:20:00.000-07:00

This is a long blog so I've split it up into two parts: The "heart to heart" part and the stories part. If you don't want to read about my emotinoal growth then skip down to the stories section.

Heart To Heart...
It's harder to blog when I'm traveling with Jackie. I have a lot less time by myself and so I have a lot less time on the computer. That is why my posts have been few and far between. Sorry.
But just because I've been busy with somebody else it doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about things.I thought that in order to learn about life and to use this trip as a growing experience I had to do it alone. But I was so wrong! The more people I meet (whether it be with Jackie or without her) the more I certain I am about who I am. Every single day (no exaggeration here) we seem to meet and talk, have dinner or drinks with at least one person. And it seems as though every person unknowingly opens the door to a new train of thought, or shows me a new light on an old opinion or even gives me a direct answer to a question I've been asking myself. I've learned that I need to reserve some of my faith in humanity. The last 3 years of my life I have almost completely lost trust and sympathy in and for people. It may be because I've turned a bit bitter but I think it's mostly because I have come to see that the majority of people are not (or were not ever going to be) as sympathetic as I was. I realized that my concern and love would not come full circle if I loved everybody without reserve. My love and pity would, in fact, be used and abused. And since that realization, I've slowly forgotten about the genuine kindness of people and that good people do still exist in this world. And the number of incredible people I've meet thus far reminds me to reserve some faith.I've learned that I don't want to become a medical doctor. I know that not many people know that this profession has always been in the back of my mind, pinching me whenever I think about career choices. Spending time with a few people I recently met, seems to have crossed that option off the list. I know now that the only reason it was even there to begin with was (not including the fact that I would enjoy spending time and helping people) because I wanted to know if I could do it, if I could make it through med school. Well, to be honest (and maybe a bit less humble than usual) I think I would be able to. And choosing a career just to prove a point to myself would obviously be a bad choice. It just shows me that I can learn so much about the person I am through the people I meet and from the people around me. I don't need to wallow around alone in order to achieve enlightenment. It’s everywhere and in everybody around me! I love that.

Stories:

Oh my gosh. Train ride was definitely not as nice as I was expecting. I thought because we were paying 145 Euros per ticket it was going to be comfortable. But I was so SO wrong. As we were looking in through the windows while we were walking along the platform gave me that sinking feeling my stomach. There were 6 beds in each cabin which was about 6 feet long and 6 feet wide. 3 beds were stacked up on each other and they were so cramped you definitely couldn't look out the window or move around at all. I know what you're thinking, and maybe you're right, I'm a wuss. But just to remind you, the Amsterdam to Prague train ride is about 14 to 16 hours long. And in a dark, hot, small room with 5 other people (4 of which were old smelly men) is a little claustrophobic. But if you don't want to read me complain for the rest of the paragraph then you don't have too... There was some glimmer of hope, however, when Jack and I first got on the train: We were the only people in our cabin so we put all the beds down to make seats and got real cozy. But that was all shattered 3 hours into the ride when the angry old German conductor opened the door and started yelling at us in German and repeating "das ist full! das ist full!" "more people coming! more people coming!" and flailing his arms and throwing our pillows and blankets around. It lasted almost 5 minutes and by the end Jackie and I were crying from laughter.But we got here and it’s beautiful! The place we are staying at is a big apartment with 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, a dining area and a patio that overlooks the city. All of the rooftops in this city are red or orange and the sky line is occasionally pierced with a tall gothic tower or a green copper dome. The city is huge and the amount of tourists here is overwhelming. Thankfully (with the help of Rick Steves') we've managed to find the small local places that are either packed with locals or quietly looking over the city. My favorite are is the Castel quarter and little quarter. You have to hike up quite a long hill to get there so its free from tour groups that otherwise take over the narrow streets down below. The buildings are pastel yellow, green and purple and apple and pear orchards that snake around the steep hills and houses. It’s so quiet and peaceful up there and so much easier to respect the beauty that this city offers. Sometimes is easy for me to forget that I'm walking along a beautiful European street when there are crowds and crowds of tourists pushing me around. The Jewish quarter is incredible too. In the 1400 all of the Jewish people in Prague were forced to live in that part of town. The Old-New Synagogue is said to be the oldest synagogue in Eastern Europe (built in 1270). Unlike most Jews during the Holocaust, the Jews in Prague were allowed to safely store their treasures here but only because Hitler was planning on using it all in his "Museum of the forgotten Jewish Race". The collection of these treasures was really heart wrenching to see. I've never seen a Jewish synagogue before and being able to see this one is truly awe inspiring. In the back there is a small cemetery piled with tombstones. From about 1400 to 1800 this was the only place that Jews were allowed to be buried and because it’s against Jewish belief to move a grave, tombs are piled on top of each other.

I've just bought my ticket to Barcelona and Zaragoza for a week before I go home. I'm so sad that Jackie is leaving. We really rocked Amsterdam and Prague together. But I'm also really excited to try another week alone.

Picture 1: Jewish Cemetary
Picture 2: Friend we met at the only true Czech pub left. They say that the beer tastes better here. This was the only place that the President of the Czech Republic took Bill Clinton when he was here. We tryed to go back again the next day but we we very unwelcomed. Its packed with local men who don't want any women there. I think we were lucky the 1st night....

Amsterdam

2009-06-28T00:58:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've ever seen as many beautiful people than I have here. Every woman is tall, blond and skinny with great bone structure and every man, even the really old ones, are good looking. How do they do it while smoking cigarettes and drink beer all day long?
We rented bikes to get us around the city which seemed like a great idea but little did we know the bikers here have a set of strict rules and are very aggressive riders. There was always so much more bike traffic than car or foot traffic AND we didn't know the biking etiquette so we got a few too many bells dinged and heads shook at us. and I thought I was good on a bike....

We did, however get to see a lot of the town because of our bikes. It's so romantically beautiful here. At night, the canals light up and it sets this warm mood along the cobble stone streets. During the day, its so lively and colorful. The hollyhocks are blooming all along the sides of the tall brick buildings.

The Anne Frank House must be the most heart wrenching and important museum in all of Europe, maybe even the world. The emotion and realization that it offers people is something that everybody needs to experience. My understanding of the war and of Jewish faith is deepened considerably. It was very difficult not only to walk through that house, but also to process it for the rest of the day and I think maybe the rest of my life. I have taken more away from that "museum" than any other place I've ever been. This is NOT an overstatement.

Today we are taking a train to Prague. Its 14 hours and cost 270 euros for 2 tickets!! I couldn't believe how expensive it was. But really, we have no other choice.

p.s. We ate Indonesian last night and I think I might have found my new favorite kind of food... its SO GOOD!

A day behind...

2009-06-25T00:38:00.000-07:00

I was actually a little sad to say good bye to Copenhagen. By my last day I felt like I had some what of a grasp on the city and was really starting to enjoy that. Bala and Larry hooked me up with one of there friends that lives there so I got to go play ultimate! And that was probably the highlight of my stay in Copenhagen. It's so awesome how we (ultimate players) are able to go to a new town and be taken in by the ultimate community. They were all so sorry to hear that I was leaving the next day and hooked me up with other ultimate communities around Europe!
So all in all, Copenhagen was kind of tough. I really went through emotional highs and lows that didn't seem to depend on anything at all. But by the last day I remembered what my yoga classes have tought me (and what Dr. Jim had reminded me). Everything that I need is all in my heart and now that I'm here, alone and without the influence of...well, anybody, I can offer the world pure Kristine. So hopefully Jim's reminder will stick with me..
Right now I've just made it to my hostel in London and I have to say: It is 1,000 times better than the place in Copenhagen. I've already met loads of people and I feel way better. So now, I'm off to pick up... That is if I don't get lost in the underground.

Copenhagen

2009-06-19T08:05:00.001-07:00

Its feels like a movie set. These tall multi colored buildings that go on for rows and rows and blocks and block surround huge green, copper statues of men on horses. There are flower markets and produce markets on every corner. The coffee shops and bakerys are all so incredibly delicious. And the bikes! Bikes everywhere! Excellent bike lanes with there own turning lanes and stop lights. I love it!

It was quite the journey getting here. I flew in to Billund, Denmark because my ticket cost zero euro. In reality I probably could have flown into Copenhagen because the hotels in Billund are insanely expensive. 130 euro expensive to be exact. Anyway, its was a nice quiet town. I went running and I found a trail that took me outside the town to these beautiful oat fields. The roads were lined with rose bushes and the smell of them was so intense! It brought me back to my mom's roses in her garden and playing in the yard of our old house. It got me really sad.
I had to catch a bus and then a train and then another bus to get here. When I got off at my final stop, I looked around and started to. I was in the middle of the city and there were no signs of a bed and breakfast at all. Just lots of Arabic people. I'm not hating...but I did feel a bit uncomfortable. I had the address to the place, but apparently in Europe, they don't believe in street signs. I still don't know why. After about 10 minutes of wandering with my pack on I started to tell myself that this was the worst idea ever, coming to a big foreign city alone. What was I thinking? I'm probably going to have to sleep on the streets.
Luckily, before I got too panicky, I found the apartment building and started buzzing all the floors. What else was I supposed to do?! All of the name on the bells didn't match the name of the b & b. So I tried them all and finally found the right one. He let me up and then told me he wasn't expecting me until next month. WTF, I just emailed him the night before and told him I would be seeing him tomorrow. Well anyway, he said it wasn't a problem, I could stay here until the 23. A little sketchy....
The apartment was hazy from all the cigarette smoke he was producing and my eyes instantly started to water. He showed me around his little 1 bedroom flat that did not fit the description or pictures from his website. He sleeps in the "living room" which has a single bed in it, I sleep in the only actual bed room and there is this Italian man who is sleeping in the "2nd bedroom" which is really my closet. His website makes it sound like a roomy home in the copenhagen suburbs... but its definitely not. And a few minutes ago a spanish couple showed up and they are now staying in his room (or the "living room" that has now just turned into the 3rd bedroom. Convenient.) and he is going to stay in his sail boat. Weird. Oh and... no breakfast. So its literally just a bed. Not a bed and breakfast.
It's $200 for 5 nights. and I kinda effed up. He asked for the money of my stay at the beginning and stupidly I gave it to him. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have said I would pay for a couple nights and then see. But I didn't. Damn. I know, I know. I'm complaining and I'm making it sound a lot worse than it is. Actually, my description is quite correct. But its really not THAT bad. I have a kitchen I can cook in. Its really close to the center of the city AND I've learned a few lessons already: 1. Don't stay in a place that doesn't have reviews (good or bad). 2. Don't pay for 5 days up front. 3. I'm allergic to ciggy smoke.
I rented a bike and explored a little bit yesterday. Today I got a croissant and a coffee and ate it by the canal. Then I went to the National Museum and explored a bit more.
I don't know about traveling alone.... Its empty.

picture 1: my lunch on a bridge over a canal full of beautiful old boats floating by

picture 2: my bff for the next 4 days. His name is Tak (the only danish word I know- means thank you....).

Ireland

2009-06-15T00:58:00.001-07:00

More than I was expecting. I don't think I'm even going to try to explain what its like here in fear that I wont do the beauty justice.

Every day I try to go for a run to regroup and think about what feelings and emotions I've experienced during the day. Here its as though the things I'm struggling with have bubbled to the surface. Things I have needed to process but wouldn't let myself think about in the past have now presented themselves to me and I find myself welcoming each difficult thought with steady arms. This, although it may not make sense to you, is why I needed this trip. And while I am still with my dad and cannot fully work through these things until I'm alone, this is the start of it and this is the reason I'm here.

It's funny how being away from people you love intensifies every emotion you have toward them. Love, anger, sadness and even trust.

I had the most terrible nightmare last night. I dreamed that my mom had suddenly died of a heart attack. When I woke up, there were tears in my eyes and sadness I felt in the dream stayed with me until the morning. It was so horrible.

To update you on the trip: We've been driving the Northern Coast of Ireland and its been incredible. There have been huge valleys, sea cliffs, great pubs, and the Giant's causeway. In 2 days I leave for Denmark.

Miss Nessie

2009-06-09T14:02:00.000-07:00

We drove up towards the highlands and hit Loch Ness. We weren't planning on going up there but I'm glad we did. Despite the shops around the lake that are loaded with "nessie" gear, the area is quite charming and peaceful. Its a big, deep and very dark lake with forests on both sides and wheat fields on the ends. We found a hike that followed a military road up through the trees. It was nice but kind of weird. All of the pine tree forests that I've seen are all planted for harvesting. I could definitely tell that forest wasn't natural. The parts of the country side that aren't used for grazing and wheat fields are covered with a very unnatural looking forest. The trees are planted in neat rows and they harvest them in perfect squares and then they plant new ones. I wonder how long the soil will be able to support that... It's completely gorgeous, but a tiny bit of me is sad about it.
I got off track with that. Point of the story: we did a hike and I GOT A TICK! What is it with me and parasites in foreign countries? It was on my stomach... gross. Hopefully thats the only one.
We saw some Pictish stones that I was really excited to see. I was expecting this huge site will heaps of different rock formations and carvings. I guess after driving all day to see something your expectations get a bit skewed. There were 4 carved stone formations (from 700 AD!) in the rainy country side of Angus (where Angus beef comes from). It was pretty neat but probably not worth driving 4 hours to see.
We're in Edinburgh now and leaving for Dubin tomorrow morning. Apparently my dad NEEDED to do some laundry, so shortly after finding a hotel near the airport we went on a mad goose chase to find a "landrette" of which (as we later found out) are rare in the city. We finally found a dry cleaner who, we thought, could point us in the right direction. We started chatting with the lady who was more than friendly and in the end she not only helped us find our way back into the city but also told us she would do our laundry and drop it off at our hotel when she was done! And on top of that she didn't want us to pay her! My dad forced 20 pounds on her in the end. People are so incredibly friendly here. Always interested in where we're from, where were going and where we've been.
I just spoke with Jackie a bit ago. She's decided to come to Europe. She wants to meet in London and travel from there. She also wants to stay for 3 weeks. Its going to be fun.

2009-06-06T15:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our goal was to get into Scotland, so most of the day was spent in the car. I'm not complaining. The English country side is so incredibly beautiful. Once we got outside Manchester's sprawling outskirts, we found rural England and I don't think I would ever get tired of watching it go by. The Serene pastures that collide dramatically with rugged cliffs and steep mountains are both calming and belittling. Miles and miles of stone fences line the fields speckled with sheep. People must have been on this land since the begining of time. I can't seem to grasp the age of this country and the culture along with it.

We stopped at a cafe in the middle of nowhere England and met a girl from Fresno who used to spend her summers in Missoula. She lives here with her English husband now. Small world? Hells yes.

Today we made it up to a place called Helensbrough. Its a small town by the sea that doesn't have much but a run down bed and breakfast with wireless internet and a moldy shower. It's actually not that bad. We saw a couple castles today. We also found some ruins of a castle, but come to find out, they were build as ruins. Apparently in the Victorian era it was hip to build ruins on your property. Weird.

I really want to get up to the North Highlands and Shetland Islands so we're going to spend a couple hours of straight driving to get up there. Its tough being the navigator (my dad won't let me drive) because I have to choose our route and decide which places to stop at. I don't like the responsibility. If the route sucks, then its totally my fault. Luckily no route sucks but still... what if.

So tired

2009-06-04T09:02:00.001-07:00

Got in to Manchester today at 1 pm. Got our car (a ford fiesta I named Jose) and started driving North. Didn't get to far as the jet lag is incredibly horrible at the moment. So far its beautiful and green and old. Although we are about 35 miles outside of the city, we still haven't seen any open land yet. The road is lined with old churches and houses.
We are staying a town called Hebden Bridge above a bar called "bar place" (clever name...). Its small and quaint with a patisserie down the block that I am definitely going to get to tomorrow morning. There's a pub down by the bridge that I think we are going to hit up tonight.
Sonja, you'll be happy to know the men in Europe still wear "man capris" and "man clogs". I wonder if thats ever going to catch on in the states... I hope not.

The plan is to get as close to Scotland as we can tomorrow. I can't wait to hear some Celtic music!

airline incompetence

2009-05-31T20:39:00.000-07:00

It may just be the recent Northwest and Delta merging but I have never been as frustrated with flying as I was today. The guy at the ticket counter, the delta guy I was speaking with on the phone, the flight attendants on the plane, all of them were definitely NOT doing "everything they can to make my trip on Delta more enjoyable". Pssh. To my comfort and relief, Ben hung out with me and helped get me $100 worth in travel vouchers (should have been more but I'll take it).

But other than that, the East Coast was amazing and everything I was expecting. I couldn't hardley tell that part of the country is densely populated; the parts of New Jersey and Pennsylvania we went to were small towns with open spaces and clean air. I loved how green and clean it was. I also really loved that delicious food is so easily accessible there! Crab, cheese, salami, Moroccan meals, apple pie..the list goes on. Even ate a philly cheese steak and an Amish smorgasbord (not so delicious but awesome nonetheless). AND, I saw Charm City Cakes! I only left 12 hours ago and I'm already itching to go back!

I have two days back here in Missoula before my dad and I leave for Manchester. We'll spend a couple weeks in Scotland and Ireland before he flys home and I fly into Denmark. Other than getting to Copenhagen, I have no itinerary and no plans (to my mother's intense dismay). I'm so excited and so scared. I've been trying to mentally prep myself to be ok with being alone for a month. I know its going to be tough but I also know that it will be great. I'm hoping Emily, Rosi or Jackie will meet me along the way but if not thats ok too!
I'm wondering if I should get the lonely planet book on all of Europe or if I should just wing it...

Picture1: Rusted fence with Baltimore city in the back ground
Picture2: Phillies game!

Dear diary...

2009-05-23T22:37:00.000-07:00

Is it weird that I'm more nervous to go to New Jersey for 6 days than I am for 6 weeks in Europe? It may be due to the fact that Jersey is tomorrow and Europe is 2 weeks away. Or maybe its because I've never been to the East Coast before. Or maybe its because I'm staying with people I don't know for the first night. But all these explanations seem improbable.

In the 2 minutes that just I took to contemplate this thought I have come to an immediate conclusion: I have dreams about living in the green rolling hills and warm, breezy beaches that I picture as the East Coast (complete with big floppy hats and fly-away scarfs). I want to fall in love with it and I'm scared I won't! So silly...

I am so excited to start traveling! I've started to feel like a bum around here. My day usually consists of waking up around 9 (very late for my usual early rising self), reading until lunch, running errands with my mom and napping in the afternoon. It was nice for the first 2 days I got home but after that I started to feel like I have no purpose in life. Don't get me wrong, I love riding and running and picking wild flowers here, but I need something to do.

So luckily tomorrow I'm off! I'm calling it trip number 0.5 (zero point five) because its within the US. Not to say that it is any less of a trip! I just feel that only trips outside the US deserve a whole number.... Sorry nation.

The picture: One thing I love about this town is missoula farmers market. Spring time means tons of starter plants that make the market look painter's mixing palette.

Last day in Flag= one more day until my adventure begins.

2009-05-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

Whoa!
My room is all pack up and really, there is no way its going to fit it in my car. But there's no sense in worrying about that now. We'll deal with that tomorrow morning....

Its like another emotional roller coaster ride. A bitter sweet beginning. A new chapter to my life's book. I love it. The changing, the sadness and the unknown its almost like crack. I dread it before it gets here, but when it is here I can see through the tough parts to the beautiful life I'm about to live.