sawasde ka, I am a Farang.

Let me tell you a little something about Bangkok: If Bangkok was to be the only place you visit in Thailand, then you most likely would never want to come back. Even though the markets are great and the food is like heaven in your mouth, all of that is fogged over by the thick gray pollution that is easily visible throug your blood shot itchy eyes (the result of such poor air quality).



5 am: I look over the mass of silver tin roof tops. Vendors are starting to set up and hunker down for another 20 hours of Farang bartering). The sun rises like a red ball and the smog is masking beauty of it's morning rise. The dim reddish light seems to cast a eerie glow on all things. I take a big breath in and almost choke.


8 am: Walking down the surprisingly clean streets to find a fruit vendor is a lot harder than expected. Weaving in and out of half drunk tourist all the while dodging pushy taxi and tuk- tuk drives who are belting, "where you going? I drive you in tuk-tuk". Finally we find fruit and once that mango hits my mouth, everything get surprisingly better.



Rest of the day: We met up with my friend Amber who is studying abroad in Bangkok for the semester (kudos Amber, I wouldn't ever be able to do it...). Went to a night market, bartered for a beautiful tapestry, got it for 1000 baht (probably ridiculously over priced), and had more mango. My mood increased 10 fold.



We got into Chaing Mai yesterday. Its like the complete 180 from Bangkok. Imagine an Asian Flagstaff. Yeah, its that great.

There are markets and temples and monks everywhere. The jungle seems to be encroaching on the town, as opposed to the city flattening the jungle. Its a beautiful sight.

Today I went to a Thai cooking school. Now, pad thai, tom yum, mussuman curry and spring rolls are not a mystery to me. I can't wait to make it for you guys.

We are planning on going to Laos day after tomorrow to do a trek. Check out the web site. It seems pretty all around awesome: http://www.gibbonx.org/



Let me recap and make a few things clear, just in case:

1. Bangkok sucks

2. Chaing Mai rocks

3. I will not stop eating. < note the period

4. I could live here.

5. I think i'm getting a cold...(not mentioned above)



big love.

New plans

Ok, I am sitting here trying to grasp the fact, the very important fact, that I'm leaving for a big trip in 2 days time. And, yet again, I can't seem to fully comprehend it. It might be that my conscious mind is keeping me from this exigent and stress provoking situation because it seems as though only in the late hours of the night,when I feel like I could lay in those blue and tan sheets forever, when I'm so cozy and happy and relaxed, it hits me. It hits me and I know from Saturday morning on, the closest thing that I will have to home for then next 4 months will be my sleeping bag. The sleeping bag part, I am totally excited about (thailand, hawaii, back to thailand, delhi, nepal, philippines, hong kong...sweet!). Its the getting back that I'm scared about. And while thinking about it now would be (and is) pointless and useless, it doesn't take away from knowing that there are going to be big, important life decisions to make when I return.

Trip details:
Oct3- Nov1: Thailand
Nov 2-5: Flagstaff
Nov5-22: Hawaii
Nov 23-27: Bangkok
Nov 27-Dec 1: Delhi
Dec 1- Dec 19: Nepal
Dec 20-Jan 6: Philippines
Jan 6-9: Hong Kong
Jan 9: back to the USA.

Thats such a HUGE trip! Lord, please let my saving last me through January...

so this is life.

This is what it feel like to be free from it all. Free from homework, free from a job, free from... responsibility....?

It took me a good 4 months to be ok with this. And by this mean not having a job or school or some form of activity that makes me feel productive. While you may be thinking to yourself that my situation would be incredibly pleasant and very exciting (not to mention extremely lucky) you may not be thinking about what comes along with it...

The first and most important and heart aching is that the relationships in my life are ending more than they are beginning. And I am hanging on to each of them by the hair string. Some of them I know are going to last, some of them won't and a few of them I am unsure about. The friendships that have engendered around me have grown deep in my heart and its hard to give that away. It is so hard. It seems to be harder than I expected. It seem so be pulling my heart apart in 2 different directions. I want to choose which way to go, which direction to send my heart, but I feels as though I don't have the knowledge or ability to make that decision what ever that decision is.
Secondly, I am going against my brain's better judgment. The most inappropriate choice as far as my career is going, is to do what I am doing: letting all of my erudite and pedant self be lost in a sea of travel. Until recently, I thought the worst part of this was in between trips, when I have nothing to do but sleep in and have fun exploring Flagstaff or Montana. While everybody is being responsible at work or school, I wake up too late, drink too much coffee and don't do anything mentally productive during the day. (note the past tense)
Thirdly, I know my parents are almost dying of worry. Worried that their daughter isn't making the right choices. Worried that I'll get kidnapped while in Cambodia. Worried (and I have strong reason to believe this is their biggest worry) that I will get married and pregnant and not become the women they see me becoming. I'm not going to even start on that....

Don't think that I am not truly grateful for what I have and what I am able to do in this next year. Because I am. Now. It took a bit to figure out how awesome this life I'm living is. And how fast this period in my life is going to be over. I have been loving every single second of it as of late. I have stopped feeling guilty about my lack of productivity by occasionally studying for the GREs. I've decided to base myself in Flagstaff to keep my friendships and community as closely tied to me as possible. And I've learned that there is nothing I can do or say to placate my parent's wild thoughts.

This is my life.
It is so great right now!

Love in life. Truth in love.

What is it supposed to look like? It's got so many faces and so many ways.

Mel's and Kris's wedding was such an incredible event. I am so honored to have been able to play a part in it. Watching both of those beautiful, big hearted and gentle people grow together and fall in love was (and is) a story that has taught me so much.
I've learned how beautiful love is, how incredibly powerful and real it is. I learned that being in love means "laying your life down for one another", being an forgiver, and encourager and a enabler. It truly means being one in each other and one in the world.
Today I realized how lucky they are to have found each other this early in their lives. While she may only be 22, she has found somebody who's presences lights up her life and really does complete her (don't mind the cliche). He fights for her, is patient with her and would literally do everything for her. He swept her off her feet. And the catch here is this: she does the same. Together they enchant their friends, family and each other. They radiate happiness and truth. She shows him a new side of life everyday, and him to her. I love that.

I know that love and marriage looks different to and for everybody but its hard not to compare.

Leaving Barcelona

This is the first time I've been sad to leave a place during my travels. Barcelona has been so good to me. Its hard to say good bye to such a wonderful city with beautiful people and such an interesting vibe.
I'm in such a funk at the moment. I did think that I would be sad to be done with this trip and to be leaving Europe, but I definitely am.
I have a confession to make.... During my stay in Copenhagen I was an inch away from shortening my trip. The mental struggle that I was going through was so intense. Yeah, I know it was only 1 week. But in that one week I went through some heavy emotional growth and at times I wanted to give up and come home. I didn't think I could do that for 4 weeks. AND it didn't help that my parents were trying their best to persuade me to return early.

But I pushed through! And looking back at it all now, it seems as though I was being a little to dramatic. Or maybe not. Maybe this trip has toughened my skin. Maybe I got used to traveling and got better at making friends along the way. Jackie totally helped. She was like the churros in my chocolate caliente: Chocolate (say it like your speaking Spanish) is very thick and strong by it's self, hard to put it down, but delicious nonetheless. But dipping the churros in the chocolate is like a heaven send (and one of the greatest foods of Spanish cuisine). The churros cut the intense chocolate flavor. They allow you to enjoy every single moment you spend eating this Spanish treat, they allow you to fully appreciate the chocolate and give you the ability or the encouragement to drink it alone.

So, I'm so sad to go. I feel like I just started getting the hang of traveling alone. I just figured out how I like to spend my days and evenings in different places. I just made some wonderful friends and I probably won't ever see them again. I guess that might be the beauty of traveling at my age. The relationships that are formed are put on warp speed because of the time restriction you have. So the friends you make feel like you've had them for years, instead of just hours.
But I am tired. I don't think that I want to stay longer. I think I am just sad its over and sad that I'm leaving such a wonderful place.
I'll be back here again.

Barcelona

I've only been here for a few hours but I have already fallen in love with Barcelona.

Jackie and I parted ways this morning in Prague. It was incredibly hard to see her go, not only because I didn't know when I was going to see her again but also because I knew that traveling solo will commence again. So the flight was a bit somber, but as soon as I got to my hostel (complete with free wifi AND bean bag chairs... hells yeah) I perked up immediately. I walked over to the bottom of Las Ramblas and saw the Columbus monument (I swear, every city in Western Europe claims to be the home of Columbus or has his bones... ). The monument is the start of Las Ramblas which is the main strip in town that connects everywhere to everywhere. Its lined with palm trees and when the warm breeze sweeps by its hard to think of a place I'd rather be.


I ate at a very small tapas bar off the main strip and it just may be one of the best places I've EVER . Let me try to set the scene: The entire area in front of the bar is only about 2 people wide but was very long. The counters are laden with plates of different kinds of "pinchos" held together with a toothpick. The bartender gives you a plate and asks what color of wine you want. You eat standing up, grabbing what ever looks good. Occasionally a small woman walks by with a plate of pinchos hot from the oven. When you're done, they count the number of toothpicks left on your plate and charge you by that. I chatted with a man from France. It was nice.

I'm so thankful for hostels. Its like being a freshmen in the dorms again. Everybody wants to make friends and know what your story is. Its a lot less lonely than a B and B. Tomorrow- Barri Gotic and the market.

Prague

This is a long blog so I've split it up into two parts: The "heart to heart" part and the stories part. If you don't want to read about my emotinoal growth then skip down to the stories section.

Heart To Heart...
It's harder to blog when I'm traveling with Jackie. I have a lot less time by myself and so I have a lot less time on the computer. That is why my posts have been few and far between. Sorry.
But just because I've been busy with somebody else it doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about things.I thought that in order to learn about life and to use this trip as a growing experience I had to do it alone. But I was so wrong! The more people I meet (whether it be with Jackie or without her) the more I certain I am about who I am. Every single day (no exaggeration here) we seem to meet and talk, have dinner or drinks with at least one person. And it seems as though every person unknowingly opens the door to a new train of thought, or shows me a new light on an old opinion or even gives me a direct answer to a question I've been asking myself. I've learned that I need to reserve some of my faith in humanity. The last 3 years of my life I have almost completely lost trust and sympathy in and for people. It may be because I've turned a bit bitter but I think it's mostly because I have come to see that the majority of people are not (or were not ever going to be) as sympathetic as I was. I realized that my concern and love would not come full circle if I loved everybody without reserve. My love and pity would, in fact, be used and abused. And since that realization, I've slowly forgotten about the genuine kindness of people and that good people do still exist in this world. And the number of incredible people I've meet thus far reminds me to reserve some faith.I've learned that I don't want to become a medical doctor. I know that not many people know that this profession has always been in the back of my mind, pinching me whenever I think about career choices. Spending time with a few people I recently met, seems to have crossed that option off the list. I know now that the only reason it was even there to begin with was (not including the fact that I would enjoy spending time and helping people) because I wanted to know if I could do it, if I could make it through med school. Well, to be honest (and maybe a bit less humble than usual) I think I would be able to. And choosing a career just to prove a point to myself would obviously be a bad choice. It just shows me that I can learn so much about the person I am through the people I meet and from the people around me. I don't need to wallow around alone in order to achieve enlightenment. It’s everywhere and in everybody around me! I love that.


Stories:

Oh my gosh. Train ride was definitely not as nice as I was expecting. I thought because we were paying 145 Euros per ticket it was going to be comfortable. But I was so SO wrong. As we were looking in through the windows while we were walking along the platform gave me that sinking feeling my stomach. There were 6 beds in each cabin which was about 6 feet long and 6 feet wide. 3 beds were stacked up on each other and they were so cramped you definitely couldn't look out the window or move around at all. I know what you're thinking, and maybe you're right, I'm a wuss. But just to remind you, the Amsterdam to Prague train ride is about 14 to 16 hours long. And in a dark, hot, small room with 5 other people (4 of which were old smelly men) is a little claustrophobic. But if you don't want to read me complain for the rest of the paragraph then you don't have too... There was some glimmer of hope, however, when Jack and I first got on the train: We were the only people in our cabin so we put all the beds down to make seats and got real cozy. But that was all shattered 3 hours into the ride when the angry old German conductor opened the door and started yelling at us in German and repeating "das ist full! das ist full!" "more people coming! more people coming!" and flailing his arms and throwing our pillows and blankets around. It lasted almost 5 minutes and by the end Jackie and I were crying from laughter.But we got here and it’s beautiful! The place we are staying at is a big apartment with 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, a dining area and a patio that overlooks the city. All of the rooftops in this city are red or orange and the sky line is occasionally pierced with a tall gothic tower or a green copper dome. The city is huge and the amount of tourists here is overwhelming. Thankfully (with the help of Rick Steves') we've managed to find the small local places that are either packed with locals or quietly looking over the city. My favorite are is the Castel quarter and little quarter. You have to hike up quite a long hill to get there so its free from tour groups that otherwise take over the narrow streets down below. The buildings are pastel yellow, green and purple and apple and pear orchards that snake around the steep hills and houses. It’s so quiet and peaceful up there and so much easier to respect the beauty that this city offers. Sometimes is easy for me to forget that I'm walking along a beautiful European street when there are crowds and crowds of tourists pushing me around. The Jewish quarter is incredible too. In the 1400 all of the Jewish people in Prague were forced to live in that part of town. The Old-New Synagogue is said to be the oldest synagogue in Eastern Europe (built in 1270). Unlike most Jews during the Holocaust, the Jews in Prague were allowed to safely store their treasures here but only because Hitler was planning on using it all in his "Museum of the forgotten Jewish Race". The collection of these treasures was really heart wrenching to see. I've never seen a Jewish synagogue before and being able to see this one is truly awe inspiring. In the back there is a small cemetery piled with tombstones. From about 1400 to 1800 this was the only place that Jews were allowed to be buried and because it’s against Jewish belief to move a grave, tombs are piled on top of each other.

I've just bought my ticket to Barcelona and Zaragoza for a week before I go home. I'm so sad that Jackie is leaving. We really rocked Amsterdam and Prague together. But I'm also really excited to try another week alone.



Picture 1: Jewish Cemetary
Picture 2: Friend we met at the only true Czech pub left. They say that the beer tastes better here. This was the only place that the President of the Czech Republic took Bill Clinton when he was here. We tryed to go back again the next day but we we very unwelcomed. Its packed with local men who don't want any women there. I think we were lucky the 1st night....