Bump #1

I haven't even left yet and I've already hit a bump in the road.

Today I found out that I do, in fact, need a visa to get into India. Why did I think that I didn't need one? I don't even know. I feel like the biggest idiot. If there is anything that I should know about is how to travel. Its my area of expertise. Its what I know. But obviously not. I really effed up.

It takes 5-7 days to send my passport to the Indian embassy in San Francisco, process the visa and then send it all back to Hawaii. It wouldn't work. Its too late.

We're going to try to get one at the Indian Embassy in Bangkok. They said it also takes 5 days but I think I might be able to charm them. Please hope for the best.

If it doesn't work out then... well thats whats I get for being an idiot.

Remember "the children"!

I'll tell you why I haven't blogged in a while. Because it's hard. Because blogging means thinking about life, and thinking about life means processing things that I would rather not deal with. And dealing with those things is hard and makes me cry. And crying alone in a big, huge, empty, scary house... well its just not fun. But it is necessary. So here I am. Blogging.

First I need to tell you about Thailand. All in all, that place is so wonderful. We traveled around the islands and beaches in the South and every place we went was picture perfect: gum drop islands, limestone cliffs, crystal blue water and diving that I couldn't get enough of. It's a place that caters to tourist and is perfect for a new traveler. Everything was just so easy. Easy to get around. Easy to find a place to stay. Easy to find good food. Easy everything.

In fact, it was so easy I kind of felt bad at times. And even now I feel bad. Everyday, I step back and take a look at my life right now. I feel like I'm in a constant dream. I had pure fun all day and everyday in Thailand. And here, its plain ridiculous. I wake up from a beautiful nights rest (on a temperpedic mattress!) to the sound of waves crashing on the beach in front of the house. I walk out on to the balcony and watch the ocean for a bit before going down to make a cup of coffee. I take it with me on to the beach and drink it there. Then I put on my yoga pants and hop in the Benz that my Aunt has given to me and drive to yoga. I run on the beach, I hike to waterfalls, I drink acai smoothies. This life belongs to some rich house wife. I can't deny it. I love it. I feel like I shouldn't love it. This is the life that other people frown upon and say "she should be giving the money she's using to buy her double americano with steamed half and half to starving children in Africa". Yeah, well if I really were living this life, I probably should be thinking about starving children. But guess what, right now I'm thinking about myself and how much I love basking in this golden glory. I doubt I will ever be living like this in my real life.
What if I do though? Would I remember the starving children? Surely I would. But perhaps they will be pushed to the back of my thoughts and nag at me like how forgotten tasks nag. Is it bad that I'm enjoying this selfish life style? Does the fact that I recognize that its selfish make it better? Does it somehow make me resistant to forgetting the starving children? I'd like to think so...

I've been thinking a lot about how much persuasion power people have in my life. It seems like I'm constantly looking for other people's opinions about things that only I will be able to decide. Not only is this totally the WRONG way to move through life, after hearing what they have to say, I then dwell on their opinions AND THEN I even start to confuse theirs with my own. I'm embarrassed..... And then I get so mixed up and confused I stop thinking about what ever I'm thinking about all together. OR, I choose incorrectly and then, that's it. Game over. Kristine looses at life. Its a lost cause.
So the last few days I've really pulled apart a part of my life that consumes me. I've been using only my thoughts and feelings and disregarding what everybody (EVERYBODY) else thinks. And the result? incredibly happiness. my heart feel light and airy. I have successfully evaluated a part of my life, a section? a unit? a chapter? a page? a file? yes! a file. I have successfully examined and evaluated one of my life's files. I've made a conclusion and now I can close that file, put a mental "completed" stamp on it and tuck it away. Yeah, it may seem like you probably do this everyday. But really? Do you really mentally block out your peer's opinions? If you do then I'm impressed because its hard!

I leave for the Nepal trip on Sunday. I'm not ready. But I did buy new tank tops at Lululemon today. I feel fat every time I go into that store. Is that normal?

"Jesus was not a Gibbon": An Experience.

What I saw this week, the feelings I felt and the things I experienced are the type of which I can not even express to you. This is my third attempt at trying to explain:

First let me give you a bit of back ground. Its a project started by some French guy to attempt to protect a section of Laos' old growth jungle. Since we all know that slash and burn practices are not the best things for the forest ecosystems, the French guy has introduced ecotourism to the local villages surrounding a forest reserve.

The ride from the boarder of Laos to the "base camp" was extraordinary if not a bit... or really really...painful. My less the good judgement got me a seat in the bed of a truck. I willingly volunteered to sit, for 3 hours up a dirt "road" with pot holes so big and deep I swear if all the muddy water were to be sucked out of them, you could stare straight down into a dark abyss and see straight through the earth to the USA. In some areas the road was like a large orange mud slide and the trucks would slide SIDEWAYS down. Thankfully my death grip won me my life. But, I would have sat in that jostling truck bed for 8 more hours for what was up a head.

We passed small villages who's houses were made out of grass and palm leaves, where children were running around naked and women were walking around topless. We passed green rice patties shimmering in the wind. Then, a steep 2 hour trek up got us deep into the jungle to base camp, where we then zip lined to our tree house. (pause) Yes, I said tree house. And yes, it is everything you are imaging, but more. Complete with a bathroom with running water, shower and sink, three bed rooms and a kitchen lounge area. With hammocks. In a fig tree. On the very top of the canopy.

Looking out, all you see is deep, deep green. A green so alive you can feel it. I can not describe what I felt looking over that blanket of trees and vines, but I can tell you I've only felt it 2 other times in my life, one of those times was at white haven beach in Australia.

The sound was an experience in it's self. The constant clicking and singing and screeching of the insects was so blaringly loud. My ears are still ringing. And then there was gibbon's song, which reverberated above all, across the hills and valleys right around to our tree house.

I'm going to stop there because I am afraid if I go on, my poor language and writing will taint the picture forming in your head. So instead, I'll just let your brain finish what I've started.

But I will say this: Those few days showed me so many new elements to life. So many important and beautiful images that the world only offers a few lucky people. And only a few of those lucky people really grasp the grandeur. Ex: What it truly means to live in poverty in a small village. Why we need to keep the rainforest's around. How truly thankful we should be for paved roads. (Questions I will address in the next blog).

Now I can check off one of my life long goals: Live in a tree house- check.

Life update:

I can now successfully pee in a squat toilet. Thank you.
I've been attacked by bed bugs 4 nights in a row... Gaa-ross.

My digestive system is doing great.

Going to the islands day after tomorrow (I cant wait!).

sawasde ka, I am a Farang.

Let me tell you a little something about Bangkok: If Bangkok was to be the only place you visit in Thailand, then you most likely would never want to come back. Even though the markets are great and the food is like heaven in your mouth, all of that is fogged over by the thick gray pollution that is easily visible throug your blood shot itchy eyes (the result of such poor air quality).



5 am: I look over the mass of silver tin roof tops. Vendors are starting to set up and hunker down for another 20 hours of Farang bartering). The sun rises like a red ball and the smog is masking beauty of it's morning rise. The dim reddish light seems to cast a eerie glow on all things. I take a big breath in and almost choke.


8 am: Walking down the surprisingly clean streets to find a fruit vendor is a lot harder than expected. Weaving in and out of half drunk tourist all the while dodging pushy taxi and tuk- tuk drives who are belting, "where you going? I drive you in tuk-tuk". Finally we find fruit and once that mango hits my mouth, everything get surprisingly better.



Rest of the day: We met up with my friend Amber who is studying abroad in Bangkok for the semester (kudos Amber, I wouldn't ever be able to do it...). Went to a night market, bartered for a beautiful tapestry, got it for 1000 baht (probably ridiculously over priced), and had more mango. My mood increased 10 fold.



We got into Chaing Mai yesterday. Its like the complete 180 from Bangkok. Imagine an Asian Flagstaff. Yeah, its that great.

There are markets and temples and monks everywhere. The jungle seems to be encroaching on the town, as opposed to the city flattening the jungle. Its a beautiful sight.

Today I went to a Thai cooking school. Now, pad thai, tom yum, mussuman curry and spring rolls are not a mystery to me. I can't wait to make it for you guys.

We are planning on going to Laos day after tomorrow to do a trek. Check out the web site. It seems pretty all around awesome: http://www.gibbonx.org/



Let me recap and make a few things clear, just in case:

1. Bangkok sucks

2. Chaing Mai rocks

3. I will not stop eating. < note the period

4. I could live here.

5. I think i'm getting a cold...(not mentioned above)



big love.

New plans

Ok, I am sitting here trying to grasp the fact, the very important fact, that I'm leaving for a big trip in 2 days time. And, yet again, I can't seem to fully comprehend it. It might be that my conscious mind is keeping me from this exigent and stress provoking situation because it seems as though only in the late hours of the night,when I feel like I could lay in those blue and tan sheets forever, when I'm so cozy and happy and relaxed, it hits me. It hits me and I know from Saturday morning on, the closest thing that I will have to home for then next 4 months will be my sleeping bag. The sleeping bag part, I am totally excited about (thailand, hawaii, back to thailand, delhi, nepal, philippines, hong kong...sweet!). Its the getting back that I'm scared about. And while thinking about it now would be (and is) pointless and useless, it doesn't take away from knowing that there are going to be big, important life decisions to make when I return.

Trip details:
Oct3- Nov1: Thailand
Nov 2-5: Flagstaff
Nov5-22: Hawaii
Nov 23-27: Bangkok
Nov 27-Dec 1: Delhi
Dec 1- Dec 19: Nepal
Dec 20-Jan 6: Philippines
Jan 6-9: Hong Kong
Jan 9: back to the USA.

Thats such a HUGE trip! Lord, please let my saving last me through January...

so this is life.

This is what it feel like to be free from it all. Free from homework, free from a job, free from... responsibility....?

It took me a good 4 months to be ok with this. And by this mean not having a job or school or some form of activity that makes me feel productive. While you may be thinking to yourself that my situation would be incredibly pleasant and very exciting (not to mention extremely lucky) you may not be thinking about what comes along with it...

The first and most important and heart aching is that the relationships in my life are ending more than they are beginning. And I am hanging on to each of them by the hair string. Some of them I know are going to last, some of them won't and a few of them I am unsure about. The friendships that have engendered around me have grown deep in my heart and its hard to give that away. It is so hard. It seems to be harder than I expected. It seem so be pulling my heart apart in 2 different directions. I want to choose which way to go, which direction to send my heart, but I feels as though I don't have the knowledge or ability to make that decision what ever that decision is.
Secondly, I am going against my brain's better judgment. The most inappropriate choice as far as my career is going, is to do what I am doing: letting all of my erudite and pedant self be lost in a sea of travel. Until recently, I thought the worst part of this was in between trips, when I have nothing to do but sleep in and have fun exploring Flagstaff or Montana. While everybody is being responsible at work or school, I wake up too late, drink too much coffee and don't do anything mentally productive during the day. (note the past tense)
Thirdly, I know my parents are almost dying of worry. Worried that their daughter isn't making the right choices. Worried that I'll get kidnapped while in Cambodia. Worried (and I have strong reason to believe this is their biggest worry) that I will get married and pregnant and not become the women they see me becoming. I'm not going to even start on that....

Don't think that I am not truly grateful for what I have and what I am able to do in this next year. Because I am. Now. It took a bit to figure out how awesome this life I'm living is. And how fast this period in my life is going to be over. I have been loving every single second of it as of late. I have stopped feeling guilty about my lack of productivity by occasionally studying for the GREs. I've decided to base myself in Flagstaff to keep my friendships and community as closely tied to me as possible. And I've learned that there is nothing I can do or say to placate my parent's wild thoughts.

This is my life.
It is so great right now!

Love in life. Truth in love.

What is it supposed to look like? It's got so many faces and so many ways.

Mel's and Kris's wedding was such an incredible event. I am so honored to have been able to play a part in it. Watching both of those beautiful, big hearted and gentle people grow together and fall in love was (and is) a story that has taught me so much.
I've learned how beautiful love is, how incredibly powerful and real it is. I learned that being in love means "laying your life down for one another", being an forgiver, and encourager and a enabler. It truly means being one in each other and one in the world.
Today I realized how lucky they are to have found each other this early in their lives. While she may only be 22, she has found somebody who's presences lights up her life and really does complete her (don't mind the cliche). He fights for her, is patient with her and would literally do everything for her. He swept her off her feet. And the catch here is this: she does the same. Together they enchant their friends, family and each other. They radiate happiness and truth. She shows him a new side of life everyday, and him to her. I love that.

I know that love and marriage looks different to and for everybody but its hard not to compare.