Wish me luck.

Um... I am leaving for a 14 day trek... through the Himalayan moutains....at 17,500 feet....in the winter...in less than 12 hours!

I am so unprepared in so many ways: I've never been backing before. The last time I really exercised was at Hopu (frisbee tourney) and I don't even have a pair of pants. But I dont even care. I am so ready for this!

Its going to be quite the experience. I know I'm going to go through some serious pain and suffering, but I'm hoping that it will help me "see the light" so to speak, on so many of these antagonizing life questions. (Remember that file that I closed? yeah, well it seems to have opened right back up.... looks like I haven't come as far as I thought I had)

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus

Please pray for me, or at least sends positive thoughts my way. I know I'll need them.

My tummy hurts.

I think I am more scared about the bus ride from here to the trail head than I am of treking...

Bump #2 (Sent from my iPod, don't mind the typos)

We canoed down the river quai, underneth the famous bridge with the sun setting at our backs. We rented motorcycles and drove along the country side. We swam in the travertine waters and falls of erawan. We ate sweet warm sticky rice out of hollow bamboo. We had 2 glorious stress free days.

I was so sure it was going to work! I didn't even think of a plan b in case India wouldn't let us in. But I should have because we didn't even come close to India! In fact, we didn't even make it out of the bangkok airport.

I knew thw TLP was too easy and simple to be true. But then my ingenuousness got the better of me.

So 400$ later... We decided to head to Nepal tomorrow and start our trek early. It's work out now but the stress level at the airport when we were told we couldn't go was through the roof.
But after eating some Mango and sticky rice I knew that we would conquer.

Today I was very not thankful for a lot of things. then I was reminded to remember everything that I AM thankful for. I really am thankful for a lot of things in my life. But today I was very thankful to have Andy help me stay positive. And also my credit card to buy expensive suprise tickets to kathmandu.

Visa

At least its over. At least the anxiety and the pain of anticipation of getting a visa is gone. All that I am left with is more anxiety...

As I was secretly expecting we did not get the visas for India. It would take 5 days to "process" and we only had 4. I begged and pleaded and asked if there was anything... ANYTHING I could do to expedite it. But, alas, they refused and my heart broke and the tears started. I could tell that the official behind the desk truly felt sorry for me, that's how I know I did everything I could...

After a morning of attempting to reorganize our trip, change flight dates and other stressful things of that natures, I happened upon the New Delhi airport websites. Then I found the immigration control website. Then I saw TLP - temporary landing permit. We are allowed into the country for 72 hours without a visa! Did you hear me?! We are allowed into India for 3 days WITHOUT A VISA! and you know what else? Our original tickets are for 3 days. But, like all things in life, there's a catch. They hold our passports while we are in the country. and the TLP is granted by the officer if he "feels satisfied by the purpose of our journey. It sounds like there is going to have to charm this officer. Big time. I'm not worried, I'm a pro at that.
So the anxiety that's replaced the initial anxiety is far less (albeit in this case, the risks are higher...we may have to stay in the New Delhi airport for 3 days.). We visited the Grand Palace and the Emerald Buddah yesterday. The intense mid-day heat felt like it was beating down on us like a heat lamp on baby chickens. The sweat was condensing on the small of my back and my upper lip. But non of those unhygienic happenings that I am so aware of in America didn't seem to register. All I could think about was how that glorius sun was reflecting off of the millions of jewels that encrusted every inch of the buildings in front of me. The massive golden domes topped with a needle like spire, the many dazzling alters that shaded it's worshipers, the florid painted mythical guards that stood beside each entrance. It was all so unreal, so holy and so peaceful. These temples must be such a haven, such an oasis from the crazy, dirty city outside it's walls. Out there, rules are not followed, there is no order and chaos is normal. In there, rules are never broken and respect is customary.

Oh green curry, how I missed you so

It's incredible how much a comfortable room and a good meal can make a difference. Remember last time I was in Bangkok? Well I do. And I hated it. Mostly because we were staying at a sketchy place and paying 5 times more than we should have for a mediocre meal. But today, I'm loving it. The dirty streets and the haze in the air actually feels a bit like home. Is that weird? Yeah, I guess it is...

Indian Embassy tomorrow.

Linds, we're staying at the wild orchid villa. I wish you were here!

Oh hello Taipei

Let me tell you how awesome the iPod touch is... It's super awesome!

We're in Taipei. It's really uncomfortable here. Mostly because everybody is wearing a mask. It makes me feel like i'm the sick patient in a really big and busy hospital.
I can't seem to shake my stress over this visa. I can't even see our trip beyond going to the Indian embassy in Bangkok. I'm trying hard to be possitive. Andy helps because he's never negative.

last mintue

I'll post as often as I can. Here's the schedual in case you were wondering:

Nov 22-27 in BKK
Nov 27-Dec 1 in Delhi
Dec 1-19 in Nepal
Dec 19 - one night in Delhi
Dec 20- Jan 4 in Manila
Jan 4-6 in Hong Kong
Jan 6 Missoula.

January 7- a lot of sleeping.

The hardest part

I hate this part. Right before the trip. When everything is scattered everywhere and I can't find anything. When I only have a few hours to complete the last few essential tasks (like booking a hotel room, printing my tickets and making sure everything is clean and packed) I seriously consider canceling the trip. For some reason, in my wacky head, I think canceling would be easier and better than packing. But luckily the more rational part of my brain stays strong and gets me through it!

I've been at this whole traveling thing for a while now and while I was laying in bed last night, I thought about how incredibly lonely I am right now, with no familiarity or home. At the moment my heart sank as I realized I had nobody to comfort me, hold me and listen to me. But then I was hit by this wave of complete pride. I don't need that! I can't 100% take care of myself and do this all by myself. That is what I need to focus on when I'm sad and lonely. That is how I will stay positive when I'm struggling up a Himalayan peak. Happiness and goodness with pursue if I remember how successful I am at being independent.

A few wise men once said:
"It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come."

I've been meditating on this for a day or two. Having a good heart has to be the golden key of life. A good heart for others and a good heart for yourself? That must mean happiness. Is this the answer to what I've been searching for? Why I've been traveling and putting myself in uncomfortable places? It is certainly possible. I just didn't think it would be this simple.

Goal for Nepal, India and Thailand: To have a good heart no matter the situation, to take each moment with grace and to remember my Independence in times of loneliness.

Bump #1

I haven't even left yet and I've already hit a bump in the road.

Today I found out that I do, in fact, need a visa to get into India. Why did I think that I didn't need one? I don't even know. I feel like the biggest idiot. If there is anything that I should know about is how to travel. Its my area of expertise. Its what I know. But obviously not. I really effed up.

It takes 5-7 days to send my passport to the Indian embassy in San Francisco, process the visa and then send it all back to Hawaii. It wouldn't work. Its too late.

We're going to try to get one at the Indian Embassy in Bangkok. They said it also takes 5 days but I think I might be able to charm them. Please hope for the best.

If it doesn't work out then... well thats whats I get for being an idiot.

Remember "the children"!

I'll tell you why I haven't blogged in a while. Because it's hard. Because blogging means thinking about life, and thinking about life means processing things that I would rather not deal with. And dealing with those things is hard and makes me cry. And crying alone in a big, huge, empty, scary house... well its just not fun. But it is necessary. So here I am. Blogging.

First I need to tell you about Thailand. All in all, that place is so wonderful. We traveled around the islands and beaches in the South and every place we went was picture perfect: gum drop islands, limestone cliffs, crystal blue water and diving that I couldn't get enough of. It's a place that caters to tourist and is perfect for a new traveler. Everything was just so easy. Easy to get around. Easy to find a place to stay. Easy to find good food. Easy everything.

In fact, it was so easy I kind of felt bad at times. And even now I feel bad. Everyday, I step back and take a look at my life right now. I feel like I'm in a constant dream. I had pure fun all day and everyday in Thailand. And here, its plain ridiculous. I wake up from a beautiful nights rest (on a temperpedic mattress!) to the sound of waves crashing on the beach in front of the house. I walk out on to the balcony and watch the ocean for a bit before going down to make a cup of coffee. I take it with me on to the beach and drink it there. Then I put on my yoga pants and hop in the Benz that my Aunt has given to me and drive to yoga. I run on the beach, I hike to waterfalls, I drink acai smoothies. This life belongs to some rich house wife. I can't deny it. I love it. I feel like I shouldn't love it. This is the life that other people frown upon and say "she should be giving the money she's using to buy her double americano with steamed half and half to starving children in Africa". Yeah, well if I really were living this life, I probably should be thinking about starving children. But guess what, right now I'm thinking about myself and how much I love basking in this golden glory. I doubt I will ever be living like this in my real life.
What if I do though? Would I remember the starving children? Surely I would. But perhaps they will be pushed to the back of my thoughts and nag at me like how forgotten tasks nag. Is it bad that I'm enjoying this selfish life style? Does the fact that I recognize that its selfish make it better? Does it somehow make me resistant to forgetting the starving children? I'd like to think so...

I've been thinking a lot about how much persuasion power people have in my life. It seems like I'm constantly looking for other people's opinions about things that only I will be able to decide. Not only is this totally the WRONG way to move through life, after hearing what they have to say, I then dwell on their opinions AND THEN I even start to confuse theirs with my own. I'm embarrassed..... And then I get so mixed up and confused I stop thinking about what ever I'm thinking about all together. OR, I choose incorrectly and then, that's it. Game over. Kristine looses at life. Its a lost cause.
So the last few days I've really pulled apart a part of my life that consumes me. I've been using only my thoughts and feelings and disregarding what everybody (EVERYBODY) else thinks. And the result? incredibly happiness. my heart feel light and airy. I have successfully evaluated a part of my life, a section? a unit? a chapter? a page? a file? yes! a file. I have successfully examined and evaluated one of my life's files. I've made a conclusion and now I can close that file, put a mental "completed" stamp on it and tuck it away. Yeah, it may seem like you probably do this everyday. But really? Do you really mentally block out your peer's opinions? If you do then I'm impressed because its hard!

I leave for the Nepal trip on Sunday. I'm not ready. But I did buy new tank tops at Lululemon today. I feel fat every time I go into that store. Is that normal?