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New Things

OMG. So much has happened since I last blogged.

First, and most importantly:
I am no longer a vegan. And I am no longer hungry every 5 minutes. My recent reunion with cheese was glorious to say the least. I indulged in a simple breakfast of birdman toast, a farm fresh egg (thanks to my lovely farm friends) and freshly grated parm for the 1st meal back. It was like heaven in my mouth. But then again, after eating a month of peanut butter toast and soy sausage patties, anything is going to taste like heaven in my mouth.

I was eating a lot of blueberry, acai, spinach protein smoothies. Which is probably the only that I will continue to eat on a regular basis (acai, blueberries, spinach, coconut ice cream (vegan!), soy yogurt, soy milk and soy protein- try it, its delicious. Yes, I know there are way to many soy products in this and yes, there is a slight chance that you might turn into a women if you're a male, but thats a risk you're going to have to be willing to take....for a smoothie...).
Tomatoes were coming into their peak season, so I was slicing those up with some olive oil and basil and eating it on some french baguette. And while this is delicious and fresh, I couldn't help but think how much better it would be with a slice of Manchego...
So, thats basically what I ate for a month. Smoothies, peanut butter toast and tomatoes. Oh and spinach salads. Can't forget those....

I'm just so glad it's over.

And in term of enlightenment? Sadly, there was no "ah-ha!" moment I was hoping for, no light bulb glowing over my head, and no revelatory dreams. But I will say that I have gained some clarity within my life. A sense of ease, you could say. My daily life finally has some purpose (climate change/ public outreach coordinator for the MT Audubon. If this job isn't purposeful, I dont know what is....). And from that purpose, I have found comfort in knowing that I am contributing to society in a very positive way. Obviously, the clarity gained was not a direct outcome of being vegan. It just happened to coincide with the challenge. Or did it?....

Also, my Mom is still a smoker.

Next piece of news:
I bought another bike. A cross bike. And I raced it. In a cross race. And I loved it! Well... during the race, I hated it. But when it was over, I had a ball. I'm going to doing it again tonight.
I cannot express to you the fear that is now welling up inside my chest at the though of it. I am scared of the pain that I will be enduring this evening, the anxiety that I will experience all day long at the prospect of eating crap on one of the barriers and knowing that I will grin and bear all of it only place last. But all of that doesn't matter after I cross the finish line. Because, that's when I realize (forgetting the pain and suffering completely) that I, in fact, had a good time. I imagine this feeling to be similar to child birth...

Next news piece:
I am planning an event for 350.org. It's quite the task. If there is one thing I have learned from it is this: Don't relay on college students to perform important tasks. Or any tasks for that matter. Yes, I realize that I was JUST a college student, but since I have received a diploma I feel that this gives me certain rights to smash on people who are still in school.... They are terrible at following through! They say they're "really pumped up" (direct quote) about helping out, but then don't pull through when they're needed. Come on you guys! Get it together! I know you have time and I know that you care, so please go hang up posters around town because I don't want to!

So this Event: Its on 10/10/10 and its called the Global Work Party and you are going to be there. There are events all around Missoula to better our community, raise awareness about climate change, and show our leaders what we are concerned. Our message is this: "We're working the ground in Missoula to plants seeds here, our state capital and D.C." I helped come up with that slogan. Yeah, I know its pretty good. Check it out!

Also: I finally made apple butter. It's something that I've been wanting to do forever and ever. And since I have farm friends, I got to pick my own apples! It was/is delicious and SO easy to make! See below for instructions!

Apple butter:

5 lbs of apples cored, pealed and chopped

2 cups of sugar (I used 1.5 cups of agave nectar, but its super pricey and sugar will work just the same)

Cinnamon, a bit of allspice and some freshly grated nutmeg.

Put all of this in a crock pot. turn it on high, cover it, and leave it for 1 hour. Then turn it down to low and leave it for 9-12 hours. Then take the lid of and continue cooking for 1 more hour (or more. This step thickens it).

I left mine over night, and when I checked it in the morning it appeared to have burned on the bottom and the apples chunks held they shape. But then I stirred it and it turned into this creamy, dark brown, beautiful goo that tastes like autumn heaven. Try it!

The In Between or T(X+Y)=Z or Terrible Analogies.

Its like the top of the parabola: When you toss up an apple and it hovers in mid air, waiting for gravity to act upon it.

It's when summer is over, but fall hasn't began yet. When the leaves are on the trees and there are still peaches at the market, but the brisk mornings and rainy afternoons have got you wondering when you'll see the first frost.

Its when you wade in Rattlesnake Creek on a warm afternoon. You walk in confidently and your feet don't register the water's icy temperature until you're too far across to make it out quickly. And by the time you get back to shore, your enjoying the feel of the cold water flowing against your ankles.

It's the few seconds silence between songs on your play list. Waiting patiently, to hear what comes next so you can decide if its worth listening to or not.

Waiting, patiently... or maybe anxiously, to know what your next step is. To know whether to give it time and love or to let it go and explore the other destinations. Unfortunately, life isn't like my "On-the-go 4" playlist and the time in between songs does not equate to The In Between in life.
I don't know if the time between summer and fall is going to be 4 seconds or 2 weeks. I don't know how far I will walk across the creek before my feet start to feel cold. I'm sure I can mathematically figure how long the apple hovers in mid air... but thats not where I'm going with this.

The problem with all of these analogies is this: We know the final result. We know the apple WILL come down, We know there WILL be a fall, my feet WILL be cold and a song WILL come on. Sticking with the mathematical theme here, The In Between in life doesn't give you an out come; it just gives you the variables and you have to wait for the equals sign. Like this: T(X+Y)=Z Where T= time, X= me Y= whatever event I'm experiencing and Z= Yes or No. Pursue it or Not.

I don't know if I've every told you this but I hate waiting for something to happen. I feel like I'm wasting time. I focus far too hard on the end result to be able to enjoy the time it takes to get there. My dad always says (I can hear him now) "its not about the destination, its about the journey." Yeah, I know Dad. I know.

I Just don't know how to enjoy the ride until I know where we're going. Is that bad?

This is what it's like...

I wake up in the morning. Usually around 8. The small amount of energy needed to walk up the stairs instantly depletes all forms of reserved energy, my tummy growls and I am instantly hit with hunger. I make coffee, toast a piece of Bird Man bread and spread as much almond butter that I can get on there. Eat it in 2 seconds.

The next 2-4 hours consist of me studying for the LSATs (yes, I think I might apply to law school...more on that later) and trying to decided what I should eat next. I usually am drinking a double americano w/ steamed soy at Hunter Bay (my new fav. spot) and eating all of the snacks I've packing in my bag which include: A peach, tamari almonds and dried pineapple. I eat a half veggie sandwich, go home, get on my bike and go on a ride. And because veggies and bread can only sustain you for so long, I eat about half a litter of hammer gel. Well, maybe not that much, but a lot more than I used to take... Get home, make and eat a acai protein smoothie and 20 minutes later 2 pieces of almond butter toast. At this point I'm so tired I can't let my self sit down or I will surely pass out. About an hour after the toast, I make a massive bowl of spinach salad with quinoa, tofu, garbanzo beans, and brewer's yeast dressing (if you haven't tried it you should). Then I spend the rest of the evening being wonderfully distracted and thoughts of cheese and eggs are flung far out of my mind and replaced by better things. Its blissful.

How much food is that? It must be like at least 5 pounds. Maybe more. Regardless, the point is this: This sucks.

I miss creamy goat cheese and figs. Salami and cheddar. Blue cheese and pears. Mmm. I miss milk in my coffee, milk in my cereal, cream cheese on my bagels.

I really think that this is comparable to quitting smoking. Seriously. In fact, I think it must be harder. Speaking of which, my mom couldn't make it past the 24 hours. She's smoked at least one a day since she "started" her challenge. Why she even has them in the house is a mystery to me. No, actually, I do know why she has them. Because they control her.


Ok, ok, I have a confession to make. I wasn't going to tell you, but I feel guilty. I ate cheese this weekend. I ate more french cheese that I've ever eaten before. It was so good, so creamy, so indulgently satisfying. But apparently my body didn't think so. I got so so so sick about 2 hours later.... So, I've learned my lesson. No cheating, the consequences are too terrible.

In regards to the job front: I'm employed! Kind of. I've got an internship with the Montana Audubon. AND, tomorrow I have a meeting with a law firm for another possible internship/ job. Things seem to be falling into place here in Missoula. And actually, even with all this baggage I'm carrying around (i.e. living with my parents, braces and jaw surgery looming on the horizon and a slight lack of community) I think I might be the happiest I've been in a very very long time. I can see, in the distance, a bright and beautiful future. I think....

Seriously?

Read this and laugh.

I am so hungry.

As of 5 days ago, I am a vegan.

My mother, to many people's surprise, is a closet smoker and has been for the past 30 years. And now, I think she finally has recognized that, eventually, it will hurt her in a big way. So for the month of September, she is going to try to smoke ZERO cigarettes! This is SUCH a huge step for her and I am seriously looking forward to being apart of the struggle that she will endure! Yes, I recognize that cutting out animal and animal byproducts from my diet does not even compare to quitting an addiction. But if its any resolution, I think I am as close to addicted to cheese as mentally possible.

So. The stakes have increased: Not only am I doing this challenge for myself, but to support my mother in a huge battle! AND on top of that, Best Friend is helping me along the way and eating vegan for a month as well. AND we decided to start a week early. Why? I don't know. But I do know this: I could really go for a thick slice of cheddar right now.

So far, I have yet to reach any sort of state of clarity. I suppose I need to give it a bit more time.

I've spent the majority of the past 5 days eating because no matter how much quinoa and tempeh I swallow, I never get full. On the other hand, I do feel light and really, really healthy. I have to read labels on everything, which is a good habit to have, I guess... Although, I feel like a jerk when I have to ask what's in everything I order or when I have to say "will you make sure there isn't any meat or dairy in that sandwich?" Ugh. I don't want to be that person. But I am! ...shoot.

I've been really tired lately. I wonder if thats from my diet or from something else? I have been spending a lot time front porch sitting into the late nights which usually leaves me laying awake in my bed with a heart that beats twice as fast as normal and a spinning head. Not to mention a tummy that wants more food...

Yeah, yeah. I sound like Negative Nancy, but I WILL be sticking this out. I have a good feeling about where all of this is going and I think something will come of it.

But know this: at the end of september, I'm going eat as much cheese and salami that I can fit in my tummy.

Kristine: the enlightened one

If you know me, or read my blog, you've probably come to the conclusion that I am a very sporadic person. With no real order to my thoughts and the ability to change gears in seconds. Sometimes I picture my brain to look like a very unorganized desk, with important documents strewn everywhere, scratch paper with important notes half hidden under a cup of cold coffee and a dictionary buried under it all (some of the pages missing). More often than I'd like, it takes me a few too many seconds to find the word I'm looking for or a few too many minutes to get to the point I'm trying to make.

You've also most likely have realized that I have the unrealistic desire to do everything that I possibly can. And those things usually change from day to day, at best.

I'm not sure if these characteristics are bad or if they're good. I guess they just are what they are. But I can tell you one thing: I need some organization.

I'm considering going to Law school. Yes, I know you're probably shaking your head and thinking, "This girl doesn't know what she wants". I know I don't know what I want!

Enter the challenge:

I have this uncanny urge to put myself through some sort of challenge. Maybe because applying and challenging my soul will allow me to look deeper into who I am and what I truly want? I'm not sure. I basically just want some clarity because right now, my heart is a little foggy. And I can't make any decisions with a foggy heart, right?

What is going to be the challenge you ask? Well, I'm not exactly sure, that's where you come in. I was think along the lines of food. As in eating vegan for a couple of months. Or maybe eating gluten free. Or maybe doing a raw diet. I like

the idea of challenging myself to having a healthier diet. I know that hat you put in your body affects not only how you feel physically but also mentally and emotionally.

I'm hoping that through this, the things in my head with click into place and I'll be able to find some answers. Maybe I'll become enlightened like the monks in Nepal who spend years in silence.... I understand that this is quite unrealistic, but I'm hoping for the best.

In other news: I harvested tomatoes this weekend! There really is nothing like home grown vine ripened tomatoes with basil, olive oil and garlic. Yum. Oh the small, sweet things in life! They remind me that life is full of beautiful simple things and that happiness is the delightful burst of heirloom cherry tomatoes in my mouth!

Best Wedding Cake Recipe Ever

This recipe is tried and true. This recipe has countless hours, eggs, and lemons behind it and is probably the best wedding cake (gluten free or otherwise) you have ever, or will ever taste. Yes, this is quite the tall statement, but I stand firmly behind it. You should probably feel very lucky that I am sharing this with you, reader, because I think I should maybe sell it to Martha Stewart, or something....

Next post: Vegetarian blog challenge, farm parties and law school?

Lemon Chiffon Cake

(makes 2 6X3 in cakes)

1 3/4 sugar

4 eggs

1 cup milk

1 tbsp vanilla

1 and 1/2 lemons worth of zest

1 cup extra light olive oil (love those omega 3s!)

2 3/4 cups GF flour mix (w/ xanthum gum), or regular flour

1 tbsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

Preheat: 350° Grease the shit out of the pans and line them with parchment and then grease the parchment (key step).

beat together eggs and sugar in your kitchen aid. Beat them for about a minute or two until it becomes a soft pretty yellow color. Meanwhile, whisk the milk, oil, vanilla and zest in a bowl. And the flour, baking powder and salt in another bowl. Then add the flour and milk mixture alternating between the two, starting and ending with the flour.

Bake until its done. I'm not going to give you a time because I don't even know.
You should probably put a lemony cream cheese frosting between the layers and a buttercream frosting on the outside.

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 1 day after

Its over! and it was beautiful and delicious!

Decorated with dots: successful!

Vanagon ride to the wedding: successful!

Green and brown ribbon to match the bridesmaids: successful!

More pictures and recipes to come!

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 2 Days Left

The cakes are baked, wrapped in plastic and waiting for their date with Mr. Frosting. Although there were some bumps in the road, I think that they're going to taste and look fine. And now that the stress of deflated cakes have past, I may have a dreamless sleep tonight. But probably not. I still have to frost and transport.

The past 4 days or so have consisted of dishes, oven checks, and a whole lot of sitting around and waiting. Inside. While the sun shines, beckoning me to play outside. It's frustrating, to say the least. Luckily, yesterday I got to take a break to ride my bike (which was ridiculously terrifying) and eat dinner with Miss Mel. Check out her blog. Her and her husband bought a Volkswagon van to live out of this summer while they prepare for their epic travel adventure around Asia. This week, they have it parked up Shultz Creek Road in Flagstaff which is absolutely beautiful. And after making tacos on the built in stove, washing dishes in the built in sink and sipping cold cider from ceramic mugs while swinging on their hammock, I was completely enchanted with the stage they have set to live their. They have adorned their van/home with pictures and art from friends, home made curtains and quilted blankets. They breath in the fresh mountain air every morning while sipping coffee among the pine trees. I am jealous of how beautiful they've made their life and I vow that at some point in my life, I will live in the forest with my husband, whoever that may be.

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 4 Days Left

I decided to bake the carrot cake yesterday. This was probably a very good choice because I think I may have messed it up. The batter is so thick and full of fruit and nuts that it takes SO long to bake and even when it does seem to be done, its not.

I took it out of the oven too early, and while it looked perfect and delicious, when I went to cut the tops off to level the cake out, it was mushy and sticky. So yes. I messed up and think I may have to do this tier over again. But luckily, I have time.

I was thinking about how much I'm stressing out about this, and how much I love that. My life has been so easy, uneventful and stressless lately, that it feels so good to have something that I am responsible for. A task that I am in charge of and 100% accountable for, that I have to plan for, trouble shoot and execute. It's great. And even if it is just for a week, I have a purpose!

It makes me think about how much better it would be to work for yourself instead of somebody else. It also makes me think about getting a job. And how much I need something that I can contribute to! I know that I recently talked about how much I love being unemployed. And I do! But I feel like I need something to dedicate my time to. Just a little something. Because sitting around blogging and riding my bike all day isn't contributing to society. Which makes me feel like some sort of a dead beat. Which isn't anything new.

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 5 Days left

Hi. It's Monday. Which means I have 4 and a half days before the cake has to be done. And although I did this last year, I think I forgot the actual steps in this process. The most pertinent step is when to start the cake. Should I start baking today? Will the cake taste old by the time the bride and groom cut into it? But if I start baking two days before (like what some cake baker's blog suggest) there won't be any room for error! Some say to freeze the cakes until they're ready to be frosted. But I don't feel good about that either. I know, I'm being overly-paranoid about this cake. And no, the night terror have not subsided, as of yet.

Yesterday I prepped the pans, cut wooden dowels and wrapped cardboard circles with tinfoil (used for support). I have 30 lb of gluten free flour ready to be baked and my kitchen aids (note the plural) are spotless and ready to support a 350 serving cake. The recipes are ready and delicious: Lemon chiffon as the bottom biggest tier (14 in) , vanilla bean with a fresh raspberry center (10 in), and carrot cake with a cream cheese filling (6 in) all with a french butter cream frosting. So, bottom line: I'm ready to bake! But when do I start?

Although I've been working hard on perfecting these recipes, the more blogs I read the more I want to really go all out and make a home make raspberry curd, increase the number of layers and try out new frostings. I recognize that it's not logical to do any of that. I think if I can just start this, I'll stop thinking about changing everything.

I felt that by writing about my cake concerns would help me to sort out any questions and arrive at some conclusions. But it hasn't. Now I just feel more paranoid and nervous and STILL don't know when to start the cakes. Shoot.

Life of a probono wedding cake baker: 8 days and a minor concussion

It sounds like I'm counting down for my wedding. But I'm not. It's for the cake and the small tasks that need to be done before the wedding. Like sewing table runners...

Today's tasks are: 1) buying ingredients 2) wrapping gifts for the bachelorette party and 3) finding a date for the wedding. If you know of anybody OR you want to be my date, send in an application.

I'd like to report that the cake disaster night terrors subsided last night, only to be replaced by dreams of me dying in my sleep. Let me explain:

I'd like to precede this story with this: The trails here are a lot more technical than the ones I've been riding in Missoula.

I went on an awesome group ride yesterday. We were climbing for about 2 hours and my lungs haven't fully acclimated to the altitude so I was pretty tired when we reached the downhill. I couldn't believe the things I was dropping. It was awesome. I felt awesome. Then, out of nowhere, I hit a boulder. Square on. And then flew in to another boulder. Luckily, my helmet protected me from crushing my skull, but while I was lying there after hitting that huge rock the only thing running through my head was "I'm paralyzed, I know it, I'M PARALYZED!" Thankfully my EMT friend was riding behind me and used his skills to ensure me I wasn't paralyzed. Nothing serious, just a minor concussion, deeply cut palm, slightly sprained wrist and blood. I got back on my bike and finished the ride (really slowly). My nurse and EMT friends had a friend stay over last night to wake me up every 2 hours. Just in case I would die in my sleep. So, of course, thats what occupied my dreams last night.

Over all, I feel like a bad ass.

The life of a pro bono wedding cake baker

As some of you may already know, I'm baking my friends gluten free wedding cake next weekend. And while this may seem like quite the daunting task, it's really not. I've done it once before and its surpassingly easy. A lot of work and time in the kitchen, but over all, not very challenging (besides transportation). And since I will be spending hours and hours on end in the muggy floury haze of my small kitchen, I am going to devote the next week's worth of blogs to the production of this cake and the thoughts that arise in the process.

So far the extent of the cake baking has been the constant nightmares in which I either forget to bake the cake or it dramatically falls over in front of the bride and groom. I would actually categorize them as night terrors rather than mares because I wake up in a cold sweat and have the uncontrollable urge to get up and start baking the cake. I imagine that only until the cake is finished and sitting on it's table at the wedding, will these terrors stop. The actual baking will start on Sunday, I expect them to worsen as the week progresses.

I left Missoula last week and I have never missed it more than I do right now. Which isn't normal. I am literally counting down the days until I am back home (11).

The storm that chased our dinner inside. Even when its rainy, Missoula is the most beautiful place in the world!

Improper nutrition and interviews usually results in nausea

Sticky situations. They some how sneak up behind you and beat you down to the ground just like lions on a camera man (reference to a youtube video called "FOOTAGE OF MAN EATEN ALIVE BY LIONS!!!". Look it up, but prepare yourself...It's horrible). Sometimes you're able to sense them, feel them in the air. Like lighting. But unable to discern if the feeling is excitement or terror. Thus, the situation is left to unfold itself. Then, BAM! Your knee deep in stickiness and have no idea how to abate the coming storm.

Example:
1. Frosted mini wheats and two cups of coffee- most likely not good fuel for a long, hot ride.
2. One water bottle in 90 degree heat- questionable dehydration? Not really.
3. Buying tickets to Europe, changing other peoples plans and then getting called for an interview- typical.

Love.

I'm upside down. Everything is silent but for the muted clinking of river stones. I should be thinking about how to get above the water. I need to remember how to move my hips. But all I can think about is this peaceful serenity. Nothing else matters under here, the cool fresh water washes away my guilt, my fear and my thoughts. Clink. Clink. Clink. Russshh. My lungs start to burn. I open my eyes. The fuzzy scene in front of me is unrecognizable and for a moment, the burning stops. Russsshh. All I want is to stay in this moment forever. The burning returns and my head feels light. I flick my hips and move my paddle. Nothing happens. I flick my hips harder and my body remembers what to do next. My arms raise up, paddle brushes across the water, and my body moves to lay flat against the boat. I open my eyes and the bright light burns. The river pushes and tugs me. I'm upside down....

Huckleberry Vs. White Mint Oreo

I usually get huckleberry. Huckleberry ice cream on a warm Missoula evening is, obviously, the best choice. But tonight, I chose white mint oreo. And when the lady asked my what I wanted I verbalized the first thing I saw on the chalk board list of flavors: white mint oreo. As I sat there, on the picnic table bench watching the people line up and the sun go down over Mount Sentinel, I couldn't help but think that this choice was, quite plainly, the worst ice cream choice possible. Yes, I know what you're thinking, oreo mint is usually pretty delicious. Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie is my favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor. But tonight, at the infamous Big Dipper, I wasn't feeling it. And against my true and passionate love for ice cream, I didn't even finish my kids scoop.

Life is full of so many choices, small and big. And that night, my poor decision to get white mint oreo sparked another, much bigger (and hopefully better) decision. That night, against my desire, I feel under societal pressure to be different... and it failed. I though about my other choices and desires in life. My choice to start building my career and my desire to play instead of work. I love being free to do what I want (huckleberry). But I feel the need to succeed in a career (white mint oreo). Well I don't like white mint oreo. And thats it. I don't want to go to work. And thats it. So here is the new game plan: I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and not feel bad about being unemployed. If something comes up that I'm super excited about it, I will take it. If I'm not 100% passionate about an opportunity presented to me, then it will be turned down. Because really, what's the point in dedicating your time to something that doesn't even rial you up a bit? In the mean time, I'm going to ride my bike and float the river everyday. Because that's what makes me happy and that is what gets me excited. Until I find something that I love more than being free, I'll be playing everyday.

Right now, there something in Spain that seems to be enticing me. So I think I might go check out what exactly that is...

(photo: Western Montana In Business)

Chain Stays, Poison Ivy and being a Montana girl.

I bought a new bike. It was quite an impulsive decision but I'm happy about it nonetheless. Its funny how emotionally connected I've become with it. He needs a name. I can't think of a good one.



In other news, I've been attacked by poison ivy and/or oak 3 times in the past 3 days. And only this morning I woke up to find that my legs are covered with a nasty, relentlessly itchy rash. Really, it was unavoidable. The poison ivy that is, not the rash. Obviously the rash is unavoidable after contact (side note: 30% of people are immune to the effects of poison ivy. I, however, am not apart of that 30%). It was not asif I wanted to frolic in fields of it, that's just how it had to be, being a Montana girl and all... Allow me to recount the past 3 day's worth of my poison ivy adventures:


Day 1: Hike up the Missions: Along with being one of the main corridors for Western Montana's Grizzly population, it alsohouses the highest population density of poison ivy (that's not a fact, just an exaggerated assumption). And while I was too busy checking my back to make sure I wasn't going to get mauled, I failed to notice the bushes and bushes of poisonous plants all around me. Only at the very end of the hike did I realize the situation. I turned around and pointed this out to my brother, who said "oh yeah, I know, but I'm immuuuune." And when I woke up the next morning in the clear, I thought I was "immuuuuune" too. Oh, how very wrong I was.

Day 2: After a lovely day of sailing, swimming, boating and water skiing, I joined my brother on his evening fly fishing adventure. After making far too many verysharp turns on a "road" which was really just a field of napweed and cheat grass, we arrived at the Flathead River. A beautifully, big, slow flowing river that's lined with fields of golden wheat and tall corn. But the r
>iver is about 100 feet down this gnarly cliff and as I look down, I see, scattered just below the ledge, bones. Yes, bones. And to the right I see a pile of what looks the remains of some sort of medium sized animal. A coyote maybe? Regardless of what is, I'm scared that a) I too, will end up like this poor creature and b) there are more of this creatures and they're going to eat me. And when I finally get down to the bottom of this cliff (I made it without any real injury) we find a huge pile of bear poop, and its still warm. But since it is made up mostly of berries, we figure its a black bear and not super dangerous. We continue along a small path that parallels the river, looking for a bank where we can set up our stuff. We find a bank and Brother trudges through a thick covering of, yes you guessedit, poison ivy. He says "you're just going to have to tough it out Kristine, this is what makes you a Montana girl." Thinking in my head "Yeah! I'm a Montana girl!" I skip across the ivy and jump in the river hoping that the water will wash it away before those chemicals have time to bond to my skin. The river was beautiful, and fly fishing was great. And when I woke up the next morning, my legs were fine! The water really did get rid of the ivy's poison! Oh, how very wrong I was....

Day 3: I took my sweet new bike up for a ride last night. It was incredible, as per usual. I did the wallman loop up the rattlesnake, which kicked my butt. I ate it hard on the descent (also as per usual) and landed in a thicket of...yes! Poison Ivy! WTF? I seems as though I am attracted to this stuff. And I woke up this morning, legs itching like crazy. So, I am that 70% of the population that does, in fact, react to poison ivy.

I can't stop itching.

Parts of the whole.

Have you ever written an email only to realize that it way too long to be appropriate? And the things that you are saying don't really flow and have no real significance? But there is no way you want to delete it because you just spent almost 2 hours writing it? Yes, well I did that today. Thankfully, I have a blog to dump my word vomit on and you can choose to read it or not. There is no pressure here.

Oh man, I remember that heat. One summer I did a exchange type thing in Spain in high school. It was that summer that huge heat wave swept across southern europe and people were dying, mostly old and homeless people, but still, it was so terribly hot. The butter on the table would melt into a pool by the end of dinner. Ew, I hated those dinners. I stayed with a "family" but it really wasn't a family, it was an elderly couple. The women, Carmen, had bright orange hair that stood up on end (the sad result of a bad perm and color) her head was reminiscent of a jack-o-lantern. She was a terrible cook. Actually, she didn't even cook, she would fry. Sadly, I though all Spanish food was like for a while. The man, whom I dubbed " Pimp Daddy" was just ridic. He would wear all white, from his hat to his shoes, and would dec himself out with gold jewelry. He was full to the brim with gold necklaces, rings bracelets, etc. And every night (after the fried dinner) we would have to watch old videos of him as a matador. So I would go to bed in my sauna of a room, nearly naked but still sweating like crazy, belly full of fried things and images of Pimp Daddy in his white and gold holding a red sheet yelling "ole!" Oh Boy, it was terrible. I was miserable for about 3 weeks until I decided to stop eating at carmen and pimp daddy's house and started eating tapas and drinking Sidra (you should try it). Life got much better. Although, it was still hot and sleeping was near impossible, but I got through it.


I'm am pretty ok. I'm hanging out, not working and riding my bike a lot, so I cant really complain. I just feel very hesitant about getting a job right now. The closer and closer I get to finding one, the less and less I feel like I should take one. Really, all I want to do is play right now. But I feel like I need to start working because I've played for the past year and should get my butt into gear.



What's it like being me? It's for the most part, pretty awesome. I have parents that are supportive with everything I choose to do. Seriously, everything. I think if i told them that I was going bum around for another year or so, they would be totally ok with that too. I've had this really big urge to road trip up Highway 1 with an airstream and bikes. But I need a partner, because doing that by myself wouldn't be nearly as fun as. But who has the time/money to do that with me? If you know of anybody, just send them my way. I wish that that I could just have a life free of pressures to get a job and make a family, get an education and contribute to society. I know this is selfish, but I want to be selfish right now. I don't want to worry about helping the poor fisherman in Florida struggling to make end's meet because the oil spill has turned that state into a wasteland. Don't get me wrong here. My heart hurts for that situation and I wan't to do everything I can to help. But I wish that I didn't want to and I wish that I could peacefully be selfish. Naive and unaware. I just want to have fun for the rest of my life. I've got to figure out a productive way of doing that.... I've been playing a lot of guitar with my brother lately. I just learned an O.A.R song, I feel home. Its pretty fun. I feel productive when I play music.


I want to go to Spain.

New things

Updates on my life:
1. Loving living alone. I never thought I would be able to handle coming home to an empty house, but its actually the best thing that has happened to me in while. Having a peaceful, clean and beautiful place to reflect after a shitty day at work is worth surrendering 3/4 of my pay check ... which brings me to point two.
2. Work sucks. Which sucks. I'm still trying to figure out if I am disliking THE job or disliking having a job. Currently, I am inclined to think it is THE job that I hold so much animosity against because a) my creative freedom is severely limited b) the intellectual stimulation is well below minimal and c) the radio station is always set to heavy metal which does not support a positive mental state. I also got beaten to the ground by falling bread pans.
3. I am going to the orthodontist tomorrow. Ugh. Big fat two thumbs down. My jaw problem is getting a lot worse and that's just icing on the cake! I have a sever jaw problem that requires 2 years of braces (along with complete disgrace, humility and shame) followed by reconstructive jaw surgery. I've been putting this off for the past 4 years now and apparently the problem as not disappeared (I was really wishing it would). In fact, the joint degeneration has been moving right along at a pace faster than expected. Yippee.
4. I'm happy its summer, but I find myself hoping that the sun isn't shining on Sundays - Thursdays. That way, I don't feel bad about being inside, listening to hate music and getting attacked by falling pans.

With all of that said, I'm in a happy place right now. Seriously, I am.

Eating

I am serious when I say that I think I have an eating problem.
I can't stop.
(Currently, I'm on my 3 dark chocolate kiss. Mmmm, its like velvet on my tongue.)

The eating comes in waves. Warm chocolate ganache waves, actually. And right now, I feel like I'm at the crest, about to tumble into the trough and thrown into a over fed stupor.
Oh, I guess I'll find my balance someday. Right now, I'm relishing in my body's ability to metabolize incredible amounts of fat and sugar.

Maybe when I'm ready to stop eating I'll hang this picture up by my dinner table...

(Hong Kong fish market)


In other news, I decided to go to LA to visit Jackie tomorrow. I can't wait to see the ocean and my beautiful friend.

Pretzel Love.

Some fun facts about pretzels...

1. Pretzels were originally made to resemble the arms of praying Christian monks. Apparently people used to pray with their arms crossed. Weird.

2. People in Philly eat 200 lbs of them a year. Ironic?

3. Lye is a pretty strong base (NaOH) that is used to turn the dough to the deliciously caramel color.

Hazardous and Christian.... How dangerously heavenly.

I made them and then ate them warm, which made my day a little less lonely. The emotional connection I had with these warm pieces of dough seemed to be far more developed that it should have been. Let me explain:
I love baking, I love being in the kitchen, and therefore I love my job. I bake all day, taste incredible food and make people happy. It's great. But it seems like at the very instant I leave Brandy's, I go from blissful happiness to grumpy grandma. I transform from a chatty smiling Kristine to one who is short tempered and petulant. I don't want to be around anybody and frankly, I doubt they want to be around me. All I feel like doing is going home to sit on my couch and drink tea...alone. I think it's just a way that I am dealing with all of this change. Change in life style, change in a home and change in my relationships. But these pretzels made me happy.

I made the them on my day off. It was 4pm and I hadn't seen anybody for almost 24 hours. And when my little creations came out of the oven, they were warm and soft and comfortable and I couldn't get annoyed with them because they were perfect and lifeless. Sometimes I need something perfect and lifeless (i.e. a book, music, food, ect.) and I semi fell in love with these.

Maybe you will too?

Obviously I do not have lye around my house, but I do have baking soda (also a base: NaHCO3) which worked like magic.

Easily lovable soft pretzels
1 1/2 cup warm water
1 pkg yeast
1 tbsp sugar

• Combine this in your standing mixer's bowl and allow to "bloom". The yeast will expand and will look like foam when its ready. In another bow mix:

4 1/2 cup flour (I used non bleached all purpose)
2 tbsp salt

• Add this to the bloomed yeast and mix with your dough hook. Make sure not to mix it for too long. Doing that will make tough pretzels and nobody likes tough pretzels. The dough should come together into a ball that gives a little when you push on it with your fingers.
• Oil a spot on your counter and let the dough rise there (with the mixer bowl on top of it) for about 1 hour. Note: Although you may want to knead the crap out of it, leave your anger out of this and find something else to pound your problems away on.
• Bring a big pot of water with about 1/2 cup of baking soda to a boil. Meanwhile divide the dough into 8 chunks and roll into a rope and shape it however you want. While rolling out all the 8 pieces, put the already shaped pieces on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and under a damp kitchen towel to keep them moist.
• Place 1 or 2 pretzels at a time into the boiling water for about 30 seconds, flip them over for a bit more then take them out. Brush them with an egg wash and sprinkle with kosher salt.
• Bake them at 450* for about 12 min (or until caramely brown) .
• Eat. And fall in love.
  

Kristine's Muffin Top

While this title may suggest that I have a bad case of back fat and a few pairs of extra tight jeans, I am seriously considering it as the new subtitle to this blog.

Because I am currently living my dream as a baker, I feel like I should honor this part of my life by blogging about it. And because being a baker means that I will probably eat many more pastries than I already do, a muffin top may very likely be inevitable.
Planned Spontaneity, the name, isn't going to change. Its a rather appropriate title for my life; you know, making last minute decisions and then changing my mind twice. That's what I do. That's probably what I will be doing for the rest of my life. I'm not ashamed of it and I'm not going to try to fix it, because life is so much for fun when there is enough room for spontaneity. The name will stay the same.

So yes, I will be blogging mostly about my adventures in the bakery: Learning about the hallucinogenic properties of rye starters and the hierarchy of restaurant staff, and fully appreciating comfortable shoes.
So far, my experience as an apprenticed baker is fantastic. The best part of it all is seeing somebody bit into one of my freshly baked goodies with a look of utter pleasure on their face. I love being in the kitchen where incredibly beautiful food is being prepared and where are people rushing all around me; chopping cabbage, cleaning chicken, whipping a chai white chocolate ganache. Yumm.

Well I'm off to to work where I will most likely make 5 dozen baguettes. Ohhh what a beautiful life I have right now.
Stay tuned to see how far my bachelor's in biology/chemistry will take me into the baking world.

The Sea Spirit

I smile o'er the wrinkled blue­
Lo! the sea is fair,
Smooth as the flow of a maiden's hair;
And the welkin's light shines through
Into mid-sea caverns of beryl hue,
And the little waves laugh and the mermaids sing,
And the sea is a beautiful, sinuous thing!

I scowl in sullen guise­
The sea grows dark and dun,
The swift clouds hide the sun
But not the bale-light in my eyes,
And the frightened wind as it flies
Ruffles the billows with stormy wing,
And the sea is a terrible, treacherous thing!

When moonlight glimmers dim
I pass in the path of the mist,
Like a pale spirit by spirits kissed.
At dawn I chant my own weird hymn,
And I dabble my hair in the sunset's rim,
And I call to the dwellers along the shore
With a voice of gramarye evermore.

And if one for love of me
Gives to my call an ear,
I will woo him and hold him dear,
And teach him the way of the sea,
And my glamor shall ever over him be;
Though he wander afar in the cities of men
He will come at last to my arms again.

-Lucy Maud Montgomery


This conjures up such intense emotion in my heart. I can't stop reading this beautiful piece of literature. I want to sing it loudly and write it on everything I see. I want to live in these bewitching and captivating words and feel this feeling it gives me forever. It tells me that change is common, normal and good. When my sunny soul is hidden in a fog of anger, my will shine through. Emotions ebb and flow just like the sea.

I especially love the last verse. It posses a question that is perpetually in my subconscious mind.
Do I have glamor to "ever over"?
I must.

Mochi

It may be judged by it's hot pink color. Or maybe by it's stark resemblance to "The Blob". Regardless, the incredible sweetness and gooey texture brings back memories of my fantasy like childhood, filled with hibiscus flowers, mango trees, ocean waves and sun filled play dates. Like the smoothness of a wave's crest, it fills my mouth with silky goodness in a way that only mochi can.

Who would have thought that rice flour and sugar could create such a incredible treat?

My dear Hawaii, you're in my soul forever.

grr

There are few people in my life that can crush my inner happiness in just a few words. No, I'm not going to point fingers, but... The one who affects me the most is the one whose house I'm staying at and food I am eating. The one who is paying for my car insurance and cell phone bill.
Oh, how effortlessly he can take the gentle Hawaiian breeze of my heart and manifest it into a raging storm. The initial joy my presence brought to him has all but deteriorated into annoyance and impatience. His face is apparent with doubtful questions as cantankerous as "Will she ever be able to be dependent" or "Is there even a sliver of hope that she will find a job" and even "When is she going to leave" These questions are currently residing on his every expression and yet, he felt the need to voice them while I was enjoying sand between my toes and the sun on my face.

Well done.

I'd like to leave now.